Mortisha Smithsonian

[Mortisha Smithsonian @aliceX89]

I don't even know where to begin cleaning and organizing this house! 😖😫

[Mortisha Smithsonian @aliceX89]

Turning on the tv in the morning to find an E Sex and the City marathon playing and knowing you have to get ready for work. 😢

[Mortisha Smithsonian @aliceX89]

Why do I keep forgetting lately that pencil skirts and my ass aren't a good combo anymore??? I'll be pulling down this hem all day long!

[Mortisha Smithsonian @aliceX89]

Why won't this women leave me alone?! We are dead, I'm done my shit, leave me be in peace already!

[Mortisha Smithsonian @aliceX89]

If you work for tips, always dress pretty. Lesbians will tip you 85%. Straight men will tip you at 50%. #advice

[Mortisha Smithsonian @aliceX89]

I think I need to start tweeting again, you know talking to myself.

[Mortisha Smithsonian @aliceX89]

Well hello, twitter. It's been a bit.

[Mortisha Smithsonian @aliceX89]

@kma090387 i'm going through text withdrawl from you. I lost my phone last night and didn't know how else to let ya know.. :(

[Mortisha Smithsonian @aliceX89]

Due to negligent drinking activities my phone is in some parking lot somewhere. So I am out of communicational reach until further notice.

[Mortisha Smithsonian @aliceX89]

My sunroom is so ghetto right now. Like no exaggeration, real bad.

[TODAY @TODAYshow]

"My mission is to get the urchins involved with their country." -Bill O'Reilly on why he writes books for children.

[Mortisha Smithsonian @aliceX89]

I knew I had a problem button on my shirt but it behaved all night until of course the old perv walks in.

[Mortisha Smithsonian @aliceX89]

Do this dont do that can't you read the sign

[Mortisha Smithsonian @aliceX89]

#ThingsIWillTeachMyChild 1.Pretending to like the same/opposite sex in order to gain material possessions is morally disgraceful & tasteless

[Mortisha Smithsonian @aliceX89]

They like that ya'll and southern drawl and just can't help it cause they just keep fallin' for the boyssss round here.

[Mortisha Smithsonian @aliceX89]

So apparently I have a baby face and look like an 18 year old. At 24, that is a rare compliment, thank you awkward man.

[Mortisha Smithsonian @aliceX89]

Why is it that some mornings I'm so awake and want to do a mil things and others I just want to sleep or sit for hours.

[Mortisha Smithsonian @aliceX89]

@lukemcfalls hey yes, I just now saw this darling cousin of mine. Text ya now.

[Mortisha Smithsonian @aliceX89]

@Frankiegunn I dislike snarky remarks from snooty people. One SN I do like though is snooze.

[Mortisha Smithsonian @aliceX89]

Snarling.