?

goddamn (insta: @howdymalpal)

[The Associated Press @AP]

BREAKING: Dolly Parton says her husband of nearly 60 years, Carl Dean, has died at 82.
https://t.co/W5aNPyAXpJ

[? @alienhatedhuman]

I want SNL to turn 50 everyday.

[Spencer Althouse @SpencerAlthouse]

oh my god! Meryl Streep just made her FIRST appearance on SNL ever, as Kate McKinnon's mom in an Alien Abduction sketch!

[cinesthetic. @TheCinesthetic]

Kate Bush with crocodile in a parking garage, 1979.

[Simpsons Quotes @Simpsons_tweets]

Happy Valentines Day

[kathie lee and hoda no context @KLGH_nocontext]

february 6, 2009

[The Daily Show @TheDailyShow]

Jon Stewart on election night: "We're all going to have to wake up tomorrow morning and work like hell to move the world to the place that we prefer it to be." #DailyShow

[? @alienhatedhuman]

I’m playing a super fun game called “block anyone who posts anything that gets community notes” to see how long it will take me to get back to Twitter memes.

[? @alienhatedhuman]

@Tostitos I have your Super Bowl commercial tag line for this year: “you can’t forget Tostitos”

I take 5%

[𝘚𝘏𝘈𝘞𝘕 ❌ @ShawnIsShady]

Eminem really just dropped the HARDEST Diddy Diss bar we’ve possibly ever heard ….

Layers on layers 😂😂

I wanna see these other rappers to match this Diddy Diss

[Chappell Roan Now @ChappellRoanNow]

🎥| @SabrinaAnnLynn’s full cover of "Good Luck, Babe!" by @ChappellRoan from the BBC Live Lounge.

[? @alienhatedhuman]

Are the mice that try to claim Stewart as their son, just mice versions of the parents from Matilda?

[Historic Vids @historyinmemes]

Behind the David Hasselhoff scene from the SpongeBob SquarePants movie, 2004

[drewfromtv @DrewFromTV]

#Phish at the #Sphere
I swear I just talked to God
I would give you all my money, stick my dick in a blender and swear off pussy for the rest of my life in exchange for this.
Bro I met God tonight for real. I feel like I just got saved by Jesus no lie

[? @alienhatedhuman]

All the smol things 🦎

[? @alienhatedhuman]

I find no joy in celery.

[? @alienhatedhuman]

How were they scamming people before phones? Was it just snake oil salesmen?

[Oscar the Grouch @OscarTheGrouch]

Cockroaches are kinda cute. 🪳

[David J Phillips @davj]

People ask me how I reached an eight-figure net worth after only 5 years in tech:

Year 1 - $65K (1st job)

Year 2 - $72K (asked for raise)

Year 3 - $137K (switched jobs)

Year 4 - $35.67M (lawsuit payout from Google commuter bus hitting me)

Year 5 - $146K (promotion)

[KVOA News 4 Tucson @KVOA]

BREAKING NEWS: Tucson teacher loses job over OnlyFans account https://t.co/OKjoTOs6fU