shelbina

any similarity to actual events is purely coincidental.

[shelbina @alienstwin]

Between my mom not knowing what the EU is and me not realizing she just took a shower in the room beside me we are quite the travelers.

[shelbina @alienstwin]

@saraheliz131 Yes it’s a play on the word pubic and I giggle inappropriately whenever someone talks about doing something in public because of it

[shelbina @alienstwin]

FYI: if my mom says someone fingered someone she means they flipped a bird. If she says public area she means her cootch.

[shelbina @alienstwin]

My mom is the only person I know who trims her nails while driving. I’ve never seen her trim her nails in any other scenario. But she won’t let anyone else drive cause it makes her nervous.

[shelbina @alienstwin]

She also has a closet full of cheap all purpose gifts for when she forgets an occasion

[shelbina @alienstwin]

We read online we need thank you cards for our B and B hosts so my mom pulls out a bag of variety cards she has had since the 80s...

[GoliathFan1952 @ByYourLogic]

it’s Thursday in the desolate Rust Belt, you know what that means: it’s time to eat a single french fry and avoid opiate addiction https://t.co/Y8J4B7NNqT

[shelbina @alienstwin]

I miss my puppy while I’m on vacation #NationalPuppyDay

[shelbina @alienstwin]

@SearsOutlet I will! Thanks.

[shelbina @alienstwin]

@SearsOutlet in Knoxville just delivered the 3rd malfunctional dryer to my sister, which was smoking. The delivery person left with a ‘if it catches on fire call me’. #badcustomerservice

[shelbina @alienstwin]

Call me dear one more time lady, I am older and stronger 😂😂😂

[shelbina @alienstwin]

I feel like I’m a little underdressed for my hat

[shelbina @alienstwin]

I’m so confused about what time it is! I don’t understand how traveling entertainers do this.

[shelbina @alienstwin]

@saraheliz131 Basket, foul, good shot

[shelbina @alienstwin]

Now she says to the stranger ‘do you keep x amount of cash in your house? I read you need to keep $10,000 in your house in case of emergencies’

[shelbina @alienstwin]

She just said she had to hire a plumber and requested someone skinny because the reason they had to hire someone because her husband was too big to fit in the crawl space.

[shelbina @alienstwin]

Update: the other adults were unrelated. It is this week in unsolicited advise from your elders.

[shelbina @alienstwin]

This lady is telling her kids she doesn’t buy stolen goods and her kids are like ’ I don’t buy stolen goods either’ like she is accusing them of buying stuff from their cousin who is apparently a thief 😂

[shelbina @alienstwin]

@saraheliz131 Good lord. I can’t even.

[shelbina @alienstwin]

I’m trying so hard not to scream at this teenager not to ride on the baggage claim belt.