al

[ariel @donotdelay]

Being raised in an anti SpongeBob household is a lifelong social handicap and lowkey abusive

[jabberwocky12 @trobo11]

Used copy of The Count of Monte Cristo. Big Baby

[Anvi🍒 @anvixox]

when i was so busy at work and didn’t even get a chance to pretend i was working:

[Lloyd Legalist @LloydLegalist]

I'm sure you're all wondering why I've gathered you here today.

[alli @sonofalli]

rage baiting men that “work in PE” by asking them what their fastest student’s mile time was

[Mia “GIRT” Lastname @themiasandrist]

Devastated.

[julia @juumelo_]

I went to law school mostly because I was told people go to the bar after

[💀DeathMetalViking💀 @DeathMetalV]

Evangelical Minister

[Barred and Bearded @RileeDHarrison]

Lawyers bragging to their lawyer friends like “I absolutely roasted opposing counsel in my brief” when in reality in one sentence in their response brief they alleged opposing counsel’s argument was “without merit”

[Chains @FrankieChains]

Putting my first MPRE score on my dating profile so the ladies know I’m a bad boy

[antifa honeypot @mformorphine]

‘adhd is a superpower’ don’t piss me off i drank 4 shots of espresso then fell back asleep and slept through my alarm

[Bill Moore, Esq. @lawyer_memes]

The conversion rate of a mild fever to billable hours is a fascinating metric.

A junior emailed me at 6 AM saying he had food poisoning and needed a sick day.

I asked him if his typing fingers were still functional.

He hesitated before replying that they were.

I told him drafting a memo from the bathroom floor builds character.

He tried to attach a doctor's note to prove he was incapacitated.

I reviewed the note and sent it back with heavy redlines.

The physician's formatting was entirely abysmal.

I told the junior I couldn't accept medical documentation in Arial font.

He spent the next four hours calling the clinic to get it reissued in Times New Roman.

By the time he finished, his shift was over.

Illness is temporary, but document retention policies are forever.

[Brizz-Chan (Mr drive) @billybrizzle420]

The ayahuasca told me my purpose is to do sex tourism in impoverished nations

[Contributory Negligence @CntrbtryNglgnc]

My associate has finally figured out that "It's good experience for you" means "I don't want to do it".

What do?

[haitian mortician @mysaviorBravo]

If I had a nickel for every time a bravo male with a mustache ruins his shows 10th season by being a hoe and coming between friends, I’d have two which isn’t a lot but it’s weird that it happened twice #SummerHouse

[bbl mccarthyism @hellciee]

emotional breakdown in a flowy white dress outside of the hermes store like she's so cunt even without trying

[Yves-Angeline @AdamantxYves]

Queen Anna Nicole Smith breasted her way out of poverty. She breasted boobily out of poverty and titted upwards.

That is my goal.

[𝓖𝓲𝓫𝓼𝓸𝓷🛸 @OpiumX_29]

Me typing " I'll look into it " knowing i ain't looking into nothing

[K, MBA @urfavSpecialK]

Shave your big toe girl we’re going to Miami