Chelsea Jacobson

Writer @nightlateshow // @NorthwesternU Grad // views and opinions here directly reflect those of my employer

[Chelsea Jacobson @allchelsfails]

The only men who claim responsibility for anything are in ISIS

[Maya Sulkin @SulkinMaya]

Reinstating the SAT is not the same thing as raising educational standards. Standards should pull students upward, not bend to meet them on the way down.

The test has spent 60 years meeting students where they are — its reading passages have shrunk from 750 words to 25. Bringing it back doesn't fix that.

There's a better option.

https://t.co/cTAQPd7hEL

[Chelsea Jacobson @allchelsfails]

Stop it this is too funny

[Open Source Intel @Osint613]

Reporter: How do you define ceasefire?

Trump: In that part of the world, ceasefire is when you're shooting in a more moderate manner

[Chelsea Jacobson @allchelsfails]

@findingnimesh Why on Rosh Hashanah?

[Chelsea Jacobson @allchelsfails]

Of course Kamala owns a gun how do you think they’re executing the babies?

[Chelsea Jacobson @allchelsfails]

@bobscartoons This is very plainly blood libel. Unacceptable!

[Chelsea Jacobson @allchelsfails]

Shall I buy the ass bow? #revolve

[Chelsea Jacobson @allchelsfails]

The #saltburn bathtub scene isn’t so bad. To be fair I would suck up Jacob Elordi’s cum off the floor of a subway car

[Chelsea Jacobson @allchelsfails]

Bump

[Chelsea Jacobson @allchelsfails]

The only men who claim responsibility for anything are in ISIS

[Chelsea Jacobson @allchelsfails]

@brianjoralvarez

[Chelsea Jacobson @allchelsfails]

Calling my pussy the Bermuda Triangle

[Miss Piggy @MissPiggy]

Yes, a diva must be stylish and commanding, but we must also be thoughtful and pensive... or at least know how to pose for photos looking that way.

[Chelsea Jacobson @allchelsfails]

@MeCookieMonster @MerriamWebster Cookie Monster!

[Chelsea Jacobson @allchelsfails]

@SamuelSaulsbury I said it before I’ll say it again: paramore ran so Olivia could walk

[Chelsea Jacobson @allchelsfails]

Fool me once…

[NYPD NEWS @NYPDnews]

At 9:03 AM, United Airlines Flight 175 crashed into the southern facade of the World Trade Center's South Tower.

[Chelsea Jacobson @allchelsfails]

@philwinkle Thank you kindly

[Chelsea Jacobson @allchelsfails]

Girl dinner

[Chelsea Jacobson @allchelsfails]

Make the sphere in Vegas a boob!!!

[Chelsea Jacobson @allchelsfails]

I may sleep alone but at least I don’t have to pretend to care about football this year

[Chelsea Jacobson @allchelsfails]

@aguirreryan This is so smart you deserve better Lolol

[Chelsea Jacobson @allchelsfails]

@MatthewKBegbie