Alli

so sweet, with a mean streak // ☉ Scorpio ☾ Aquarius

[Alli @allibaee]

If you know me, you know I’m funny and if you don’t think so you’re lying.

[Alli @allibaee]

well well well… 3 years on the day i tweeted this, i had the second baby someone put in me and it did in fact work

[Alli @allibaee]

I’m genuinely offended that I have no hips?! Will I ever not be shaped like a 12 year old boy? Someone put a baby in me. I heard that shit works.

[Alli @allibaee]

@waitwhattay i went from a 0/2 to a 6 after delilah bc i have hips now and have absolutely no idea what style will look good on my body so i’m going to have to go somewhere i can try stuff on 🥲

[Alli @allibaee]

the absolute hardest part of motherhood for me is trying to regulate my own emotions to regulate my children. i am not a naturally peaceful and levelheaded person. it is SO fucking hard for me to channel a calming energy when someone is screaming in my face 🥲

[Alli @allibaee]

god the way my serotonin levels hit the FLOOR when i think about money is unhealthy lol i could be happy as a clam and then i think about money and want to find the nearest bridge to jump off of

[Alli @allibaee]

ok but why does the second kid change your body composition so much more than the first???

[Alli @allibaee]

@waitwhattay SAME

[Alli @allibaee]

😭😭😭😭😂😂😂😂

[Henpecked Hal @HenpeckedHal]

And yes, it's the same cousin

[Henpecked Hal @HenpeckedHal]

My 22 year old cousin met his dream girl at a bar and it's going pretty well

[Alli @allibaee]

i’m in such a bad season of depression and i wish i could snap out of it. things are fine. my kids are happy. i just feel so fucking alone

[Alli @allibaee]

@That1teddygirl saggiterrorists😭😭😭😂 it’s so true though

[Alli @allibaee]

as a parent there is nothing more defeating than your child being sick and doctors dismissing your concerns.

[Alli @allibaee]

so from what i’ve gathered everyone was cosmo and wanda, beetlejuice, kim possible or ricky bobby and carley for halloween

[Alli @allibaee]

emotionally dysregulated mom with no patience trying to learn to be patient 🤝 strong willed child who doesnt listen 😙💃🏼

[Alli @allibaee]

😭😂

[sassy sunflower @amandaasettee]

men: *follow a ton of IG models/porn stars on social media, watch porn daily, sub to girls’ onlyfans, stare at attractive women in public*

also men: I don’t want my girlfriend posting bikini pictures that’s so disrespectful, that’s for my eyes only

[Alli @allibaee]

my alexa just started talking as if someone asked it a question and i’m the only one awake and it definitely wasn’t me 😀🔫

[Alli @allibaee]

It's my #Twitterversary! I have been on Twitter for 11 years, since 11 Sep 2011 (via @twi_age).

[Alli @allibaee]

i’m a mom of 2 wtf

[Alli @allibaee]

@waitwhattay i think you mean growing 🥲😂

[Alli @allibaee]

i rly love the point in pregnancy where i blow up like a mf pufferfish. like is anyone missing a linebacker bc here i am