Allie Tubby (Dear)

hold on. . . . i’ve gotta overthink about it.

[Allie Tubby (Dear) @alliegator05]

Pls know that if I die before seeing the Northern Lights, I did not die happy

[Allie Tubby (Dear) @alliegator05]

What good is having a husband if he’s not home when I need the pickle jar opened

[Allie Tubby (Dear) @alliegator05]

Daughter (5 y/o) mentioned that she plans “to not marry a loser, but someone rich.”
So I asked what she thinks it means to be rich.
And she said, “Lots of money to buy Mexican cheesy rice”
Dear Lord, please let my girl find someone rich enough to buy her cheesy rice.

[Allie Tubby (Dear) @alliegator05]

Sometimes I look at my daughter and think girl you are so pretty

[Allie Tubby (Dear) @alliegator05]

My kids are getting on my NERVES today but like at least they put their plates in the sink without me asking

[Allie Tubby (Dear) @alliegator05]

Let me go ahead and clean up the living room that my kids destroyed, while they’re busy destroying the upstairs play room.
Just so I can then clean up the destroyed upstairs while they’re back in the living room destroying that.
And repeat

[Allie Tubby (Dear) @alliegator05]

@MooImAShark She’s one of them bud I keep seeing several!

[Allie Tubby (Dear) @alliegator05]

I will *never* understand people on tiktok with gazillions of followers when all they do is lip sync like whaaaat

[Allie Tubby (Dear) @alliegator05]

The socially awkward part of my brain to my dying patient’s son (who just drove three hours to visit):

“Hey! Thanks for coming!”

🤦🏼‍♀️

[Allie Tubby (Dear) @alliegator05]

Using my free will to hide in the pantry and binge Oreos before my kids notice I’m gone

[Allie Tubby (Dear) @alliegator05]

It’s like slow cars just know when your morning is a mess so they can take their sweet leisurely time making it even worse

[Allie Tubby (Dear) @alliegator05]

Dreading the day my 2y/o no longer pronounces it “Sleeping Booty”

[Allie Tubby (Dear) @alliegator05]

When I was pregnant they warned me of so many reasons why parenting is hard.
But absolutely no one warned me about waking from a deep slumber to my child asking if they correctly wiped all poop out of their butt crack

[Allie Tubby (Dear) @alliegator05]

My workout playlist is anything from Kenny Chesney to ADTR to SoMo. I mean it is wack

[Allie Tubby (Dear) @alliegator05]

Jw if posting about your drama on social media ever actually made your drama better?

I don’t want you to stop bc I enjoy the entertainment, but I really gotta know

[Allie Tubby (Dear) @alliegator05]

Got jumpy when I rounded a corner the same time as someone else & in my terror accidentally threw half of my coffee on him 🫡 is that fight or flight

[Allie Tubby (Dear) @alliegator05]

Waves of mercy
Waves of grace

[Allie Tubby (Dear) @alliegator05]

I hate the awkward gap when you’re holding the door for someone who’s just far enough away to make you wait, but close enough that it would be rude not to.
Curse my Southern hospitality.

[Allie Tubby (Dear) @alliegator05]

When I was little, my dad used to tell me “Away in a Manger” mentioned our family by name when it says, “Bless all the ‘dear’ children.”
[My maiden name is Dear].
I’m 30 now, and it still makes me laugh every time I hear that line.