allie

[allie @alliewoeber]

If possible avoid using @xcelenergy at all costs! They allowed someone to put services in my name, without telling me, at a house I wasn’t even living at, which racked up $1000 in bills! And Xcel says I have to pay or they’ll shut off services at my new house. ARE YOU JOKING

[༻𝐦𝐞𝐞𝐬𝐡༺ @mishricci]

A movie about Pete Davidson and Kim Kardashian where Michael Cera and Snooki play them

[allie @alliewoeber]

I will gladly be calling the cops this summer on every single asshole who leaves their dog in the car with the windows up 😊

[michaela okland @MichaelaOkla]

I told someone they didn’t have the intelligence to offend me or the resources to threaten me and they deactivated

[alexis @alexisislaughin]

everyone who supports Roe v Wade being overturned should have to adopt a child from the foster care system, if you really truly care about children that much .

[sher🥺 @sherrysworld]

jane austen is timeless because the line “i’m 27 years old, i’ve no money and no prospects. i’m already a burden to my parents and i’m frightened” is as relevant today as when she published pride and prejudice in 1813 😭

[Elon Musk @elonmusk]

Next I’m buying Coca-Cola to put the cocaine back in

[⭐️IT GIRL⭐️ @aliyahInterlude]

at a certain age having a twin is childish asf, like you’re 26 be fr

[michaela okland @MichaelaOkla]

Professional emails really hurt me emotionally bc if somebody isn’t using an exclamation point I feel dehumanized . Like “We appreciate that.” Ok?? So u think I should stop breathing ?

[𝗕𝗿𝗲𝗲𝘇𝘆’🦉 @OvOBrezzzy]

Kim kardashian really said “Family is temporary drip is forever”

[★ LAUREN B. BROWN ★ @RAGGEDYROYAL]

I love following completely unhinged accounts on here I’m not tryna read about peoples healing journeys and self care tips all damn day

[ely kreimendahl @ElyKreimendahl]

therapy isn’t about being “fixed.” it’s about being your therapist’s favorite patient

[allie @alliewoeber]

I play this fun little guessing game called are my symptoms because I’m pregnant? covid? missed a dose of my antidepressants? Keeps me on my toes 😃

[Bella @bellachaosqueen]

The CDC recommends doses and mimosas champagne and cocaine to help get you through

[dave horwitz🪣 @Dave_Horwitz]

cdc says you can now die 5 days after watching the tape from the ring instead of 7

[kristofer thomas @kristoferthomas]

my therapist: be kinder to yourself!

my brain: yeah be kinder to yourself you fucking idiot