you can call me al

wash behind your ears you heathen

[Oklahoma Department of Wildlife Conservation @OKWildlifeDept]

Getting her an engagement ring for Christmas?
- predictable
- no element of surprise
- perhaps, too romantic
- not a legal form of ID

Getting her a lifetime fishing license for Christmas?
- instant shock and awe
- will never see it coming
- is an official state document

[you can call me al @allycatstrikes]

i could spend a year looking at this menu and still not know what I want

[Alex Lewis @lewisalex10]

A lot of you would fold in this situation

[you can call me al @allycatstrikes]

@EliciaDewhirst the corgi is what i assume i look like when I game.

[you can call me al @allycatstrikes]

mac and cheese is the mashed potato of grilled cheese and i will not be discussing further

[you can call me al @allycatstrikes]

if die hard is a christmas movie then a cinderella story is a halloween movie

[you can call me al @allycatstrikes]

I just want a garage so I can put a fridge in it is that too much to ask

[you can call me al @allycatstrikes]

my boyfriend has finally stopped asking me to go out with him and his friends and has started ordering me snacks and leaving me alone with a book, netflix and candles lit. this is my love language.

[you can call me al @allycatstrikes]

@brandonbruyette gotta tread lightly in those situations or you end up in the grippy sock hotel

[you can call me al @allycatstrikes]

@brandonbruyette You were talking to a normie instead of a fellow mentally iller

[you can call me al @allycatstrikes]

@MrBeast This is actually my dream

[you can call me al @allycatstrikes]

@brandonbruyette baja be thy blast

[you can call me al @allycatstrikes]

i love saying non-abrasive words in an abrasive tone. like puffing your chest, lowering your voice and barking “FLUFF” is just really liberating y’know

[you can call me al @allycatstrikes]

i need a “where are they now” episode of the pimp my ride vehicles

[you can call me al @allycatstrikes]

only took til st. louis but we did it y’all

[you can call me al @allycatstrikes]

i’ve spent the last 4 days tracking my ipad from toronto to indy to detroit and I can tell it’s in one of my roadcases but can’t find which one? like i lost it but didn’t? maybe tomorrows the day i finally unearth it from my stuff, maybe it’s not

[you can call me al @allycatstrikes]

@brandonbruyette no according to our lord and savior @NSYNC

[rax ‘levon honkers’ king @RaxKingIsDead]

looking at the picture, i can see a much more straightforward reason this guy shouldn't approach women

[2000s @PopCulture2000s]

first photo taken during the discovery of spain

[you can call me al @allycatstrikes]

@BabyBearDrums here if you need me!

[you can call me al @allycatstrikes]

it’s quite incredible that i can order the exact same thing every time i go to dunkin but never get two drinks that taste the same