emily

big bird is government propaganda

[emily @alocaldude]

if you press the soft spot on a baby’s head they’ll just laugh really hard

[ppigg @s4m31p4n]

I lost everything - divorced bagel

[emily @alocaldude]

@VorosTwins yes i do

[emily @alocaldude]

@VorosTwins you guys mean the world to me

[tendollar @tendollardanny]

is the world ready for the first ai pope?

[user @user84829272]

It’s unbelievable how much work goes into having a mid physique and relatively clean house

[emily @alocaldude]

like the first one doesn’t count because you’re just keeping it lit

[emily @alocaldude]

each drag of a cigarette should be counted like a rep at the gym

[emily @alocaldude]

@beer_drinker777 this is huge

[emily @alocaldude]

hey guys perfect week this week please don’t look at last week

[august 👾 @unic0rniest]

it’s happening

[☆ eros ☆ @claycupid]

stopped mid shopping to gaze at these apples i’m no better than a horse

[emily @alocaldude]

happy birthday to this tweet

[emily @alocaldude]

i feel like i’d be the kind of bitch to make mead

[emily @alocaldude]

@iDaCarrot and you’re the only one

[emily @alocaldude]

@VorosTwins you guys mean the world to me

[dax812 @dax812burger]

@G1YGAS Squid Game taught us to rise and grind make that $$$$$$$$

[emily @alocaldude]

give me a jar of picked red pepper and i won’t know how to act

[dan hentschel @danghentschel]

New Years

[emily @alocaldude]

my yearly tsa tweets should be treated like a holiday

[emily @alocaldude]

i hope TSA doesn’t gaf about my full fucking bladder

[emily @alocaldude]

why did TSA want a urine sample from me?