kazoo™

lost in the puttanesca sauce. RT me so ik it's real.

[kazoo™ @alostkaz]

aren't our hands really just giant sporks

[kazoo™ @alostkaz]

i asked the guy at stop n shop where i could find farina and he was like what department does she work in ....

[kazoo™ @alostkaz]

having a kid in any economy sounds so wild but in THIS ONE?! yeah my ovaries and my wallet are just gonna have to duke it out only one can win

[kazoo™ @alostkaz]

just saw the headline: "billionaire convicted of fraud" like ummmmmmmmmm water is wet too don't forget to report that

[kazoo™ @alostkaz]

90% of my self imposed job description is ensuring i'm the hottest person on any zoom call

[kazoo™ @alostkaz]

less discourse more intercourse

[kazoo™ @alostkaz]

@yungwaif thotz n prayers

[kazoo™ @alostkaz]

i don't need to make a lot of money i just need to be able to do the least amt of work possible and have someone else around to pay my bills pls i am a simple gal

[kazoo™ @alostkaz]

shaking ass to kodaline

[kazoo™ @alostkaz]

my body, my choice to use it for evil

[kazoo™ @alostkaz]

frying onions and garlic just to feel something

[kazoo™ @alostkaz]

having a tumblr acct from 2009-2015 was so detrimental to my overall wellbeing and life trajectory but i kinda miss it

[kazoo™ @alostkaz]

would i ever eat raw egg? absolutely not

would i ever eat cake batter in which raw egg is most definitely present? by the bucketful

[kazoo™ @alostkaz]

"all of our agents are busy assisting other customers. your expected wait time is 45 minutes"

and out of pettiness that impacts no one but myself, i'm offing myself in 44

[kazoo™ @alostkaz]

imagine being able to sit down and get work done

[kazoo™ @alostkaz]

why is it like moving mountains to get out of bed every morning

[kazoo™ @alostkaz]

my schedule's been so fucked lately (read: they're expecting me to *show up* to work- not just fill out the timesheets 😞)

[kazoo™ @alostkaz]

the bottom half of someone's face is gonna surprise tf outta me every time

[kazoo™ @alostkaz]

@butterwurth gl!

[kazoo™ @alostkaz]

was at the dentist and this dental student was poking around in my mouth and went "that's a real tooth, right?" girl it might be time to switch majors

[kazoo™ @alostkaz]

HR if ur reading this............... no ur not <3

[kazoo™ @alostkaz]

i love flirting w my coworkers during zoom staff meetings and i also love getting slacks from my supervisor after the meetings being like "girl ... focus"