A N T H M C I V O R

[Shit Jokes @ShitJokes]

A man woke up in hospital after an accident. He shouted "Dr I can't feel my legs!" The Dr replied "I know you can't I've cut off your arms!"

[Shit Jokes @ShitJokes]

An invisible man marries an invisible woman.

The kids were nothing to look at either!

[A N T H M C I V O R @amacscaff]

@facebook sort it out!

[A N T H M C I V O R @amacscaff]

@facebook not good!

[Shit Jokes @ShitJokes]

When I checked into my hotel I asked about the TV in my room. "Is the porn channel disabled"? No I was told,
"It's normal porn you pervert!"

[Shit Jokes @ShitJokes]

My wife asked me to pass her the lip balm but I gave her some superglue instead,

She's still not talking to me!

[Shit Jokes @ShitJokes]

Bought my mum a fridge for her birthday.

You should've seen her face light up when she opened it!

[Shit Jokes @ShitJokes]

My Auntie Marge has been in hospital for weeks.

I can't believe she's not better.

[Shit Jokes @ShitJokes]

I went to the library & asked if they had a book about tiny willys?

Librarian said "I don't think its in yet?"

I said "Yes that's the one"

[Shit Jokes @ShitJokes]

My wife left me because she said I was obsessed with plants.

I asked her "where's this stemming from petal?"

[Mattie Rogers @mattie_rogers]

"I look like a freaking Amazonian next to you" #48vs69

[Shit Jokes @ShitJokes]

What do cheap hotels and tight pants have in common?

No ballroom.

[Shit Jokes @ShitJokes]

Paddy in Wetherspoons: 
"How much is your lager?"

Barman: "£2 a pint and £7 a pitcher"

Paddy: I'll just have a pint, fuck the photo!

[A N T H M C I V O R @amacscaff]

Haha howling! https://t.co/ASdpiFhyqm

[Shit Jokes @ShitJokes]

Paddy in Wetherspoons: 
"How much is your lager?"

Barman: "£2 a pint and £7 a pitcher"

Paddy: I'll just have a pint, fuck the photo!

[A N T H M C I V O R @amacscaff]

Haha! https://t.co/dJh8PClRYo

[Conor McGregor @TheNotoriousMMA]

The fruits. #Enjoying.

[Conor McGregor News @ConormcGregor5]

In 2014, UFC grossed $449,008,000 and posted a $73,957,000 profit. In 2015, they grossed $608,629,000 and posted a $157,806,000 profit.

[Conor McGregor News @ConormcGregor5]

BREAKING: Nate Diaz will face Conor McGregor at UFC 202 on August 20th.

[Conor McGregor News @ConormcGregor5]

75 days till UFC 202