Did you know horned lizards squirt blood from their eyes when they feel threatened? Imagine crying tears of blood whenever something was bothering you — your boss would have no choice other than to constantly promote you because they'd be so deathly afraid of your sad demon ass.
@MatthewSievert Yes have been well, thank you. I don’t spend much time here on Twitter these days. I’ve actually been long gone from Rockit but glad to hear your friend enjoyed it.
Imagine how differently everybody would treat each other if the "you break it, you buy it" rule applied to people. Well, pretend it does and stop being a fucking asshole.
RT. Alright @TheAcademy this is ur last chance to have #FluffyHostOscars (My opening line) “Excited to be here hosting the Oscars. In keeping with tradition here is another Mexican doing a job no one else wants” 😁
“Low plastic stool, cheap but delicious noodles, cold Hanoi beer.” This is how I’ll remember Tony. He taught us about food — but more importantly, about its ability to bring us together. To make us a little less afraid of the unknown. We’ll miss him.
Javy Baez is already everyone's favorite player, but riding a 10-Game hit streak while leading the league in RBIs is going to get even the most, eh hem, traditional of fans on board.
It’s wasn’t just about the baseball... it was family @Cubs 🐻👨👩👧👦⚾️ ..... Excited for our next chapter with the @Phillies 🙏🏼👨👩👧👦☺️ https://t.co/Gq7W5XfOfM