Mama Los

just for fun. opinions and comments are my own

[Mama Los @amylosky]

No one:

Cottage Cheese:
Ok that’s enough. Get feta’s PR guy on the phone.

[Mama Los @amylosky]

Looking at old pics:
Teen: Ew mom, you had a combover?!?!
Me: It’s called a side part.
Teen: Cool, whatever. As long as it’s gone.

Nothing hits quite like teenage constructive criticism.

[Five Tool California @FiveToolCA]

F: Mid Penn BC 10, CBA/SSC 2025 American 0
PoG: Rocco Loskutoff 5 IP, K, 0 ER

[Mama Los @amylosky]

Guns > Women…. Got it. #SupremeCourt

[Mama Los @amylosky]

Apparently I’m potato-peeler-ads-in-my-algorithm years old. Ouch.

*calls car dealer to ask about leasing sports car.

[Mama Los @amylosky]

Remember tights and pantyhose? How stupid was that?

[Mama Los @amylosky]

Absolutely no one:
Teenager: Not gonna lie, if I was driving the Titanic, it wouldn’ta crashed.

[Mama Los @amylosky]

Keeping my step count up by searching the house for the coffee cup I set down five mins ago. Follow me for more WFH exercise tips.

[Mama Los @amylosky]

Guy robs a bank while holding a dog. Officer: Can you please describe the suspect.
Me: Well, he was about 30 lbs, light brown curly hair, soulful deep brown eyes with a cute little pink tongue. He looked like he might need his nailed clipped but just the squishiest little face!

[Mama Los @amylosky]

Touché to the jerk at the smoke detector factory who sets all the “low battery” alerts for 2am. You’re a real riot.

[Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome]

Thank god it's Kamala! I was worried Biden was going to pick someone else who would have made me absolutely still vote for him no matter what.

[Mama Los @amylosky]

The part of my mind that tells me what room to go in works faster than the part of my mind that reminds me why I’m going there.

[Mama Los @amylosky]

Face-mask mandates are as much a violation of your rights as being forced to wear pants in public. It’s for the sake of everyone around you. Do it and get over it.

[Larry Brilliant MD MPH FACPM 💛💙 @larrybrilliant]

Would someone please show this article to President ⁦@realDonaldTrump⁩? It’s a careful study that shows wearing face-masks can stop #COVID19 completely. Conversely, not wearing face-masks will kill thousands of people. Should be an easy choice. https://t.co/lXxW32OQSD

[Mama Los @amylosky]

Welcome to 2020 where a tank of gas lasts three weeks and a week’s worth of groceries lasts three days. #COVID19 #QuarantineLife

[Mama Los @amylosky]

My kid just called potholders panhandlers and now I’m forever ruined.

[Mama Los @amylosky]

Can we all just agree to self quarantine so that social distancing is finished by Halloween party season? PLEASE don’t let COVID-19 deprive us of Joe Exotic and Carol Baskins couples costumes. #TigerKing

[Mama Los @amylosky]

“Disappears like toilet paper” is the new “gone in a flash.”

[Mama Los @amylosky]

@kmentel Yes! I’m in 💯

[Mama Los @amylosky]

We can put a man on a moon but we can’t make a baseball belt that slides out of my kid’s belt loops without snagging on EVERY loop. Also I’ve reached man-on-the-moon-complaints years old.

[Mama Los @amylosky]

Maybe buying a convertible in your late forties has less to do with a mid-life crisis and more to do with picking up smelly teenagers after school. Sometimes windows just aren’t enough. 🤢