Amy Schroeder

You win some, you lose some.

[Oscar the Grouch @OscarTheGrouch]

😍

[Amy Schroeder @amyschroederr]

The next post I see with a vemno that says “Buy the bride a drink!😍✨” I’m charging $1000

[Amy Schroeder @amyschroederr]

“Like no one cares. You don’t get an award because you watch less TV” @khloekardashian

[Deacon Blues @lusstylucy]

As the Kardashians celebrate their 20th anniversary, I am proud to say that I never watched a single minute.

[brad @BananaEnthusias]

I’ve been talking to a cute Armenian boy on Hinge and we were making dinner plans so I asked if he wanted to go to this Turkish place and he just responded with a link to the Wikipedia page for the Armenian Genocide

[Amy Schroeder @amyschroederr]

@DLMott15 Thank you

[Amy Schroeder @amyschroederr]

I think I could beat both Kayne and Pete in a fight idk

[Amy Schroeder @amyschroederr]

In the new year I hope to become friends with Post Malone @PostMalone

[Amy Schroeder @amyschroederr]

Do I love salad or do I just like croutons???

[Amy Schroeder @amyschroederr]

Would you rather be 11 inches tall or 11 feet tall?

[Amy Schroeder @amyschroederr]

Why does “Please let me know” sound more rude/urgent than “Let me know” but using please is better manners? You know how long I’ve been staring at this email draft?!

[Amy Schroeder @amyschroederr]

Did the cicadas just wait 17 years to come out and die on the sidewalks?

[Kim Kardashian @KimKardashian]

❤️💙🧡

[rachelle @rchlltrmn]

i hope this email finds you not mad at me

[lovergurl @lowkeykie]

I’m tired of this grandpa!
!⃝ 𝗧𝗵𝗶𝘀 𝗰𝗹𝗮𝗶𝗺 𝗶𝘀 𝘁𝗼𝗼 𝗱𝗮𝗺𝗻 𝗯𝗮𝗱

[Monday are for Live Tweets @justbachnights]

Me leaving election Twitter to enter bachelorette Twitter like #TheBachelorette

[Sam Stryker @sbstryker]

Kris Jenner trying to figure out how to file for unemployment

[Amy Schroeder @amyschroederr]

@shanmaher1314 😂😂 I was thinking of you in the group of friends I was hoping wouldn’t be too offended by this

[Amy Schroeder @amyschroederr]

You still burn the calories even if you don’t post it on your story. I promise !!

[𝔾𝕒𝕟𝕤𝕥𝕒 𝔽𝕖𝕧a ☆ @Playboikell]

When your joke bangs & your waiting for your friends to settle down 🤣