bela legosi of ed/shtwt

21yo, queer in every conceivable form, bmi 10 trillion, been relapsing since 2018

[bela legosi of ed/shtwt @anasleuth]

gave myself a massive headache from beating my head in LMAO what did i even think would happen?? owie

[bela legosi of ed/shtwt @anasleuth]

my page is for ME and ME only

[bela legosi of ed/shtwt @anasleuth]

twt always says i leave impressions but not actually LOL. as if my page isnt a cry for help. ive been getting worse. but also nobody react to this bc then it makes it real and twt is fake so keep scrolling

[bela legosi of ed/shtwt @anasleuth]

at the end of the day, all a letter is for is an apology and an explanation. an acknowledgement that you know exactly how painful it would be for them to leave you, but not caring quite enough to avoid inflicting that pain onto them yourself. its so harsh and selfish. but freeing

[bela legosi of ed/shtwt @anasleuth]

i have a plan! finally bruh, after years of searching. all it took was the reminder of co2 poisoning existing LMFAO im stupid

[bela legosi of ed/shtwt @anasleuth]

how tf do u write a letter tho. thats the part that always gets me. i can't leave without a word but i also don't have good words to share. how do you say "i love you but not enough to continue" in a way that doesnt hurt. how do you begin to justify or explain or apologize for it

[bela legosi of ed/shtwt @anasleuth]

ur never gonna guess what happened

[bela legosi of ed/shtwt @anasleuth]

me when i run out of my meds, start drinking again, start starving again, and on the verge of relapsing sh after being 2 years clean

[bela legosi of ed/shtwt @anasleuth]

that doesnt even cat scratch the surface

[bela legosi of ed/shtwt @anasleuth]

did y'all know my mom is a drug addict and my ex-dad was an abusive bipolar bomb and my ex-bsf assaulted me and my partner isn't really attracted to me and the most space i let my self take in anyone else's life is these posts on my anonymous twt acct? bet u didn't

[bela legosi of ed/shtwt @anasleuth]

ykw i dont give a singular fuck abt no metal band if the band members have never mutilated themselves. "peeling bleeding flesh" okay but ur lying tho

[bela legosi of ed/shtwt @anasleuth]

we were doing IFS and she asked "who was there to help you when you were little?"

"no one"

she just nodded her head like she already knew the answer and choked out a "that's heartbreaking to hear"

[bela legosi of ed/shtwt @anasleuth]

made my therapist tear up today where is my prize

[bela legosi of ed/shtwt @anasleuth]

why do i get drunk/crossed every night after smoking 4 cigs a day? loneliness. if that ain't the stupidest condition of my entirely human nature idk what is.

[bela legosi of ed/shtwt @anasleuth]

cat scratches for the relapse i suppose

[bela legosi of ed/shtwt @anasleuth]

meant to say *yo that'd be a fire band name

[bela legosi of ed/shtwt @anasleuth]

t-minus 10 seconds to relapse

[bela legosi of ed/shtwt @anasleuth]

yeah im drunk on a tuesday early morning before work again

[bela legosi of ed/shtwt @anasleuth]

am i fucked???