Andrea Mjr

I am my target audience

[Andrea Mjr @andreamajorxo]

Dogs are just really expensive and time consuming floor heaters

[Andrea Mjr @andreamajorxo]

It’s not bad to leave things a little bit better than how you found it

[Andrea Mjr @andreamajorxo]

Don’t matter how you try to cook it if it’s a recipe for disaster

[Andrea Mjr @andreamajorxo]

One down fall to shaving ur booty hole is being more susceptible to prominent wedgies

[Andrea Mjr @andreamajorxo]

I probably have stuffed up sinuses now cause I never eat spicy food anymore. Shit clears you out. Its like eating fuckin vix holyyyy

[Elon Musk @elonmusk]

Rewatching Step Brothers … so good

[Andrea Mjr @andreamajorxo]

Bobby-pins are the paper clips of hair

[Andrea Mjr @andreamajorxo]

WHY the news at 11pm? who decided this? Boomers? Those sleep deprived hecks. At least 10pm would give us 7-8hrs. And don’t tell me to watch the 6pm soft-core uninformed garbage 😪

[Andrea Mjr @andreamajorxo]

Honestly, wall outlet plug-ins do not need to be near the floor. Make them all waist level immediately. -MySoreBack

[Andrea Mjr @andreamajorxo]

My pronouns are: fuck around/find out

[Andrea Mjr @andreamajorxo]

Tough times never last, but tough people do. 🧀

[Andrea Mjr @andreamajorxo]

Funny nursing gag, ask the patient how many days without a bowel movement then clarify with “so you’re saying your full of sh*t?”

[Andrea Mjr @andreamajorxo]

Normalize saying “it’s out of my wage of practice” rather than “it’s out of my scope of practice” - RPNs

[Andrea Mjr @andreamajorxo]

LOLLLLL last night I made it so my bfs phone says “hooyah” in a whiny voice when he plugs it in 🤣 he don’t know yet

[Andrea Mjr @andreamajorxo]

A fupa is not a faux pas

[Andrea Mjr @andreamajorxo]

I am nastyyy. Not so much in a dirty-sexy way, but more like I be handling the compost bin and touching the soggy sink food

[Andrea Mjr @andreamajorxo]

To whom it may concern — “How many ways can I say I love you. Baby, I’m so very proud of you, but as I’ve always told you, you can’t fail if you don’t try. If I could wish one thing, is that you could see yourself through my eyes and feel how much I admire you, love Mom”

[Andrea Mjr @andreamajorxo]

I feel like aged cheese, smelly and stiff. Oh parmigiana 🧀

[Andrea Mjr @andreamajorxo]

Hate going to my doctor, expressing valid issues/concerns “well you work shift work” OH, WELL EXCUSE ME for making a living in a demanding career. So uninvolved, so unaware, so rude. Sir is providing 1950’s healthcare in the 20th century. Retire yourself

[Andrea Mjr @andreamajorxo]

Chlamydia and gonorrhoea cause pink eye so technically if you wanted to know you have it you could rub ur eyes after fun-touching