Stephen

I'm a standup comedian who produces shows at events ranging from alumni get togethers, to music festivals. V funny and V pretty.

[Stephen @andstephenblike]

I’ve developed some weird version of Stockholm Syndrome where I find surgical masks extremely erotic. #QuarantineAndChill #NewYork

[Stephen @andstephenblike]

What if he dies in office, and they Weekend at Bernie’s @BernieSanders all the way through a second term?

What if that’s how we find out the president is just a figure head who doesn’t really hold that much power? #FeelTheBern

[Stephen @andstephenblike]

@Cheechmo_ I love you!

[Stephen @andstephenblike]

It's wild how productive I am on planes bc it's the only place I can't use my phone.

[Stephen @andstephenblike]

@wglady @charliekirk11 @lofly727 @GenFlynn @realDonaldTrump I called this number and am now having phone sex with a robot. #FlynnWasSetUp

[Stephen @andstephenblike]

@GayleTa59664628 @wglady @charliekirk11 @lofly727 @GenFlynn @realDonaldTrump I heard he was selling plasma and sperm. Smh - a true tragedy, but at least another generation of heroes will be born to lead this great nation. God bless the women carrying his seed.

[Stephen @andstephenblike]

@mreencares @iJeep @wglady @charliekirk11 @lofly727 @GenFlynn @realDonaldTrump You're an American hero @mreencares.
Thank you for your service!

[Stephen @andstephenblike]

Lots of people wearing sandals in the @Jacksonville airport bathroom like no one is scared of piss splatter

[Stephen @andstephenblike]

Using the drinking fountain in an international airport bc I have faith in my immune system #coronavavirus

[Stephen @andstephenblike]

How crazy is it that we still don't have seatbelts on school buses?

[Stephen @andstephenblike]

#PeteButtigieg winning the caucus feels like when the ugly kid won prom king as a joke #IowaCaucas

[Stephen @andstephenblike]

March tour is starting to take form. Tell all your friends in Philly, DC and Richmond!

[Stephen @andstephenblike]

@justinmartin How do they decide how many days are regained?

[Stephen @andstephenblike]

If you have good handwriting, you basic af and stopped learning in 3rd grade.

[Stephen @andstephenblike]

Fuck - This is the first celebrity death that has really shook me. At a restaurant watching people speaking Italian, Spanish, English and Thai, all finding out about Kobe's death. The dude made a global impact. #ripkobe

[Stephen @andstephenblike]

I'm addicted to my phone. I'm cognizant of it, but still keep on picking it up.

[Stephen @andstephenblike]

People who watch loud phone videos in public don't deserve to be out among civilized society. TWEET QUIETLY AND ANGRILY LIKE A FUCKIN ADULT!

[Stephen @andstephenblike]

Hindu people worship cows - Could you imagine their perspective of Americans and how we treat cattle?
Probably similar to how I feel about the Jews killing Jesus.

[Stephen @andstephenblike]

Polyamory just sounds so much smoother... Monogamous??? That sounds like an Olga fucked a Magnus, and that's. just. not. sexy!

[Stephen @andstephenblike]

Does anyone know of news outlets that specialize in good news? I have been looking for news stories of people making real positive change (miss me with that "dog is reunited with owner" stuff) and it is hard to come by.