Andy Thornton

Aged, management, class, England . . . all middle

[Andy Thornton @andy_thornton]

@Luke_Thornton
Robert not you. Whoops !

[Andy Thornton @andy_thornton]

@Luke_Thornton
The man who put the dick in Dixie.

[Andy Thornton @andy_thornton]

@theJeremyVine

[Andy Thornton @andy_thornton]

@lesley_annthorn Better than me ? Are you sure ?

[Andy Thornton @andy_thornton]

@Luke_Thornton Started using Twitter again

[Andy Thornton @andy_thornton]

@Luke_Thornton Well done

[Andy Thornton @andy_thornton]

@Luke_Thornton It's a repeat I think. Saw some of it first time round. Watch Imagine on BBC4 tomorrow. Simon & Garfunkel.

[Andy Thornton @andy_thornton]

@Luke_Thornton @andy_thornton Already bought something cheaper and tackier

[Jimmy Carr @jimmycarr]

X Factor’s Craig says he doesn’t want to be known as ‘the funny one’. Don’t worry Craig, you’re not, you’re ‘the fat one’

[Andy Thornton @andy_thornton]

@Luke_Thornton @andy_thornton
Yes, I've seen it before. Not a bad film, but not as good as the book. Christian Slater is very young in it.

[Andy Thornton @andy_thornton]

@Luke_Thornton You are so greedy! Have you had a carrot cake yet? They are really yummy....... really good for you tummy.......

[Jimmy Carr @jimmycarr]

You can now get Spanx for men. They’re called Manx. What do they do? Make you look like you haven’t got a tail

[Andy Thornton @andy_thornton]

My wife's not talking to me. She told me four times.

[Jimmy Carr @jimmycarr]

RT @sunscreemer: new phrase seen written on the back of dirty lorries & vans - "no illegal immigrants left in this vehicle overnight"

[Jimmy Carr @jimmycarr]

My girlfriend loves haute couture. She keeps buying designer clothes like they're going out of fashion.

[Jimmy Carr @jimmycarr]

A couple in Gloucester were arrested after having sex against the wall of a police station. The police asked them to come quietly.

[Andy Thornton @andy_thornton]

Youngest son bought Alexander McQueen boxers today. His mother said to him : "Your penis isn't big enough to fill those".

[Andy Thornton @andy_thornton]

@Luke_Thornton Lazy Bastard

[Andy Thornton @andy_thornton]

Watching the One Show whilst tweeting and eating a satsuma. Who says men can't multi task ?

[Simon Blackwell @simonblackwell]

According to police, £15,000 worth of damage inside Fortnum & Mason. Someone knocked over a jar of olives.