jnew

not like the other moms

[jnew @anewmankind]

now that i’m bald i have a for(ever)head

[jnew @anewmankind]

I totally agreed when trinidad james said “popped a molly, I’m sweatin”

[jnew @anewmankind]

I see the green m&m when I look in the mirror

[jnew @anewmankind]

anonymously hitting on my professor in the course evaluation

[jnew @anewmankind]

the westboro baptist church was right,, god does hate me

[jnew @anewmankind]

they called me a super spreader before the pandemic too (talkin about my asshole!)

[jnew @anewmankind]

@notnotsophia three years later and still no one has sucked my cuck

[jnew @anewmankind]

@notnotsophia my mom has spotify if that’s any sort of consolation

[jnew @anewmankind]

absolutely no recollection of waking up in the middle of the night to write this

[jnew @anewmankind]

just got my dental bill in the mail........... can I have my cavities back??

[jnew @anewmankind]

I’m not gay, I just don’t mind doin the homies a favor

[jnew @anewmankind]

my sister asked me how I’m dressing tonite and I told her casual so she doesn’t look better than me

[jnew @anewmankind]

can’t talk right now, I’m taking a hot girl shit

[jnew @anewmankind]

living libido loca

[jnew @anewmankind]

me: jobless with no income, still providing gifts for all 5 of my siblings and their SOs

my brother: a six-figure salary accountant, farting into his hand and throwing it at me

[jnew @anewmankind]

@notnotsophia soul mates

[jnew @anewmankind]

drunk enough to claim every gift is from me

[jnew @anewmankind]

I think my sister calling my bleached eyebrows “high fashion” was really just code for ugly

[jnew @anewmankind]

@notnotsophia done

[jnew @anewmankind]

my tattoo gun is up and running so if anyone is looking to make a mistake they will regret for the rest of their lives I am happy to provide that experience

[jnew @anewmankind]

@questformethod so you’re down?