“Had the intent on throwing a forwards pass” is my new vocal stem. Get pulled over for speeding... "No officer I was attempting to throw a forward pass". Accidentally fart in public... same. Not paying for a meal at a restaurant... "intent was there." @NFL@Saints
Another country could have snuck an entire atomic bomb into that DC Fireworks show and everyone there would have been like HELL YEAH MERICA! Well done. #250YearsStrong
@TraversWDSU@SugarBowlNola@wdsu They do this to every car that parks within a certain distance of the Superdome. This is Garage 5 and I’m in Garage 6 which is the outermost corner of dome garage parking so we don’t get the sniffers.
Nothing lies harder than the eyes of a dog that has already been fed its dinner when ceremonially asked if they are ready to eat by a completely different human.
Hobbits would call that having dinner and supper.
I did not foresee having to mark “get ambushed by a wasp and stung on the butt” & “I spilled a whole can of tuna on me and now there’s a whole herd of stray cats circling the house” and “Mama, pineapples and pickles make lemonade” lessons on my BINGO card today… but here we are.
A mosquito was waiting for me at the front door this morning…. Apparently he’s been trying to reach me about my cars extended warranty. 🦟 😒 #UniversalDonorProblems
I think between Thanksgiving and Valentines Day is when us average folk get to experience what the marketing teams of high-end fragrances quantify as acid trips via their commercial campaigns.
Not gonna lie… being @TomBrady girlfriend last night was actually… not bad. It was the simple things that made it enjoyable. He even surprised me and showed up to sit with me (in my cheap seats) at a Saints game, albeit in a terrible disguise, but we had a great time. #dream
Me: YOU’RE a Muppet
Him: YOU’RE a Muppet
Me: Nooo YOU’RE a Muppet
Him: YOU’RE a Muppet
Me: Well… you’re a Muppet BABY
Him (without hesitation): You’re a Muppet Mama
He wasn’t wrong so that’s the end of that argument.
@JeffDuncan_ Definitely the left lane driver. You can hard stare into oblivion the other two but you can’t hard stare when you’re stuck behind someone, especially if they are a rolling roadblock.
@buckeyedinapoli Nope but there is a “they start to do weird things and are of poorer quality as you get older” button. It’s not a button any of us really want though.
5:45am slapped in the face by a monkey, followed by a baby monkey and two giraffes. Demands to “go outside” were being made but I was able to subdue the wandering hobbit by offering it cinnamon rolls.