anne macomber

[anne macomber @annemacomber]

@Ramboghni Ha-ba-beech-eeee and Gar-leeeeek 💀

[anne macomber @annemacomber]

@united Just sat on the tarmac for 4 hours with my kid after being diverted from Newark to Logan. And now I can’t get someone to locate my bags which I in NYC tomorrow. IDK when you guys went from great cust service to treating premier gold members like dirt but this sucks. 👎🏽

[anne macomber @annemacomber]

@Crizzyb00 This entire line of reasoning is almost as morinic as your saying people are “over masks and social distancing” and it’s “time to spread some germs. “ Time to kill people by coughing on them? Time to watch humans die because of your vanity, ignorance & privilege? Sheer stupidity.

[anne macomber @annemacomber]

Daisy had to write a paper for school on her favorite food and she wrote it about avocado toast and I have never been so disappointed in my parenting in my entire life. #momfail #parenting #Avocadotoast

[anne macomber @annemacomber]

Why are children always pissed off when you’re like three minutes late to pick them up, and then you try and drop them off early for something and they’re all fucking up in arms about that too? Make up your minds, assholes. #momlife #parenting #TuesdayMotivation

[anne macomber @annemacomber]

Proud to be a part of helping redefine #theprettyconversation so that all young girls can feel #strongsmartbold. Changing how young girls see themselves starts with you!

https://t.co/AUSE453nxr

[anne macomber @annemacomber]

I *may* have just refilled the Bissell steam mop with the half-empty can of Mango La Croix I found so I didn’t have to walk up from the basement. #momlife #cleaning #twobirdsonestone #halfdrunk

[anne macomber @annemacomber]

“Rejected Titles for My Op-Ed Piece in the Wall Street Journal by Brett Kavanaugh” https://t.co/cp8U8zeFOC

[anne macomber @annemacomber]

“If you brought your own alcohol onboard the flight this morning, we would like to remind you that you need to leave those bottles stowed. If you require a drink, the flight attendants will be by once we reach cruising altitude.” Settle down, people. #Frontier #9am
#FAA #TGIF

[anne macomber @annemacomber]

**tries to enter teen bedroom** “GO AWAY!!!”
**3 minutes late picking up from drama class**
“Mom!”
“MOM!!!”
“OMG WHERE ARE YOU?!?”
#momlife #teens #parenting #ohtheirony

[anne macomber @annemacomber]

Real question posed to me in the parking lot this morning: “Can you drive my kids to school on Monday? I have to get a colposcopy.” Middle age is amazing. So is carpool. #momlife #parenting #middleage #TGIF #colonhealthisreal

[anne macomber @annemacomber]

No one ever wants to eat what mom makes for breakfast until Mom stops making breakfast and then everyone is all butt-hurt about not getting breakfast made for them. #parenting #momlife #kids #eatyourgoddamneggs

[anne macomber @annemacomber]

Just found the best laundry basket to use when sorting the children’s unmatched socks. It’s called the trash can. #momlife #parenting #laundryday

[anne macomber @annemacomber]

P.S. Please remember, my darlings, that pink feather boas are a non-washable item. I opened the dryer last week and it looked like a flamingo went through the wood chipper. I love you both and am so proud of your recent accomplishments in this area. XO, Your Loving Mom #momlife

[anne macomber @annemacomber]

(3/3) In addition, finding three items in the "washer" and one billion on your bathroom floor leads me to believe you are either grossly underestimating this machine's internal capacity or clothing on the bathroom floor is invisible to your tween-age eyes (I suspect the latter.)

[anne macomber @annemacomber]

(2/3) As an observation, machines work best when you push "start." Neither works to its full potential if you simply place items inside, leave the door ajar and walk away. In fact, the "dryer" tragically turns wet clothes into moldy clothes if you don't utilize this magic button.

[anne macomber @annemacomber]

(1/3) A note to my angel children who have recently started doing their own laundry: Please don't take this constructive criticism as a sign that you are failing, but rather in the spirit in which it was intended: an opportunity to grow & learn about these complicated machines.

[anne macomber @annemacomber]

Petris [PET-riss] noun:
A game in which you contort your body into geometric shapes in order to squeeze between the animals on your bed.

#dogsoftwitter #CatsOfTwitter #pets #bedroom #andwejustgotabiggerbed

[anne macomber @annemacomber]

Know what's awesome about parenting in the digital age? Coming home to find your teenager illegally watching TV, hiding in the bushes, intercepting the Netflix feed, & pushing The Texas Chainsaw Massacre onto the Apple TV. Then banging on the window. #parenting #momlife #winning

[anne macomber @annemacomber]

Best quote at the office all week:
K: So, basically, we’re building the plane as were flying it.
H: More like, we’re disassembling it as we’re trying to land.
#adlife #WorkLifeBalance #humpdayhumor #Wednesdaywit