Andy ' s burritos

not actual spaghetti

[Andy ' s burritos @Annndyyyyyy]

Welcome to the shy club. Everybody please come out from hiding and take a seat.

[Moe @macchiatonumb]

On a scale of one to butt

How hurt are you?

[Moe @macchiatonumb]

I can't have feelings while I'm wearing skinny jeans

[Moe @macchiatonumb]

They say women only use 10% of their anger

[Moe @macchiatonumb]

Please move you're standing in my life

[Moe @macchiatonumb]

If you have tattoos on your face,
you're legally obligated to kill someone for me

[Moe @macchiatonumb]

May your crushes come true

[Moe @macchiatonumb]

"You have my full undivided attention

-Me to my phone"

[Moe @macchiatonumb]

A mosh pit but for opera and instead of pushing you just cry in the middle

[Moe @macchiatonumb]

"I just started hitting the gym, Idk what happened"

Cop: "Did it push you?"

Me: *cries*

[Moe @macchiatonumb]

"Umm...excuse me, this pogo stick is broken"

"Ma'am I just planted that tree"

[Moe @macchiatonumb]

Ew. Don't touch me: A memoir

[Moe @macchiatonumb]

If you break your legs in the dark and shake them around, they'll glow bright green

[Andy ' s burritos @Annndyyyyyy]

You'll miss me after I've songed

[Andy ' s burritos @Annndyyyyyy]

If you want a girls attention just die

[Andy ' s burritos @Annndyyyyyy]

Is it too late to wish the beautiful @macchiatonumb a happy birthday? Because i wish it!

[Moe @macchiatonumb]

[Hate bench pressing 1000 lbs]

Me: Hate is a strong word

[Sophia Benoit @1followernodad]

my blood pressure was 96 / 69 & I said nice & the nurse was like yeah that's pretty good & I didn't have the heart to be like "no, like sex"

[Sophia Benoit @1followernodad]

In a move people are calling both "bad" & "weird," I'm dry-shaving the backs of my upper thighs while sitting in my car outside a Starbucks.

[Sophia Benoit @1followernodad]

how does kissing work.

[Sophia Benoit @1followernodad]

first date idea: eat an entire rotisserie chicken in your bed alone