Rachel

just an un-athletic, socially anxious girl who wears jeans to the beach and who’s only redeeming quality is her self-deprecating humor

[Rachel @anomalousname]

A review of the Mario Bros Movie by my 10 year old:

"King Boo deserved more screen time and @prattprattpratt sounds like he doesn't have a soul"

[Tom Basgen, Mr. Saint Paul @TomBasgen]

It’s October in Minnesota which means a whole new generation of weird young men have to find out they’re not a Trench Coat Guy the hard way.

[Rachel @anomalousname]

Sorry I didn’t respond to your text last week I was disassociating

[Rachel @anomalousname]

“Wow, I hate all the clothes I own” - me as I switch between black tshirts not being able to choose which one is good for brunch

[Jess Dweck @TheDweck]

Really dramatic way to quit your job but okay

[trash jones @jzux]

every season is spooky season when you’re just kind of a nervous person

[jon drake @DrakeGatsby]

You should be able to do a crime if it’s silly

[Jess Dweck @TheDweck]

I know this seems bad but we can’t just pack the court— people would lose trust in the institution that just told all women to fuck off and die

[Rachel @anomalousname]

Said “no” to bagpipe lessons for my 9 year old assuming he’d promptly quit; then he told me he only wants to do it bc he thinks it’ll be funny.
His commitment to comedic bits is comparable to that of @HJBenjamin so now he’s signed up for bagpipe lessons

[Rachel @anomalousname]

I bet hell is just an eternity of peeling ginger

[Capitol Q @IntergalacticQ]

White people are always like “whoa there bud, we only support violence on the systematic level”

[Rachel @anomalousname]

My child found out he can join orchestra in 4th grade. Since then he’s been counting down the days to 3rd grade ending.

This excitement died when he discovered bagpipes weren’t an option in orchestra.

[Rachel @anomalousname]

If someone tells you microwaved popcorn isn’t lunch block their number.

[UNICORN RIOT @UR_Ninja]

BREAKING: Kim Potter was sentenced to 24 months in prison for killing #DaunteWright during a traffic stop in April 2021 - she was given credit of 58 days time served.

Judge Regina Chu cried after announcing her sentence.

Trial coverage: https://t.co/sFHfzpZkVt

[trash jones @jzux]

trust my gut? the thing that can’t even handle milk?

[Coco Yo @cocoyo88]

i saw WAY too many people recording someone tagging the first precinct today. YOUR CAMERA IS A COP

[Rachel @anomalousname]

I hate when bad things just happen to me, but know what I hate more?

The consequences of my own actions.