Anonymous Baptist

Baptist. Minister. Christ follower. Stuff I'd like to say if wealthy, but I have a need for mammon. Truth mixed with parody. Trolling Twitter since Aug 2012.

[Anonymous Baptist @anonbaptist]

I sure am glad the SBC used "Christmas" & not "Advent" in naming the Lottie Moon Christmas Offering. LMCO is such a better abbreviation.

[Anonymous Baptist @anonbaptist]

The Twitter tells me this is my 6th anniversary — that’s like 72 in Twitteryears — which is a good time to announce my retirement. When the joy is gone, it’s time to move on.
Good night & God bless!

[Anon Church Guy @MrChurchGuy]

Good teachers are like teeth.
If you don't take care of them they get replaced with false ones.

[Anonymous Baptist @anonbaptist]

You can always tell which church van the middle school boys rode to camp. It still smells like teen spirit, and that gets on my last nerve-ana.

[Anonymous Baptist @anonbaptist]

Still confused as to how these guys attempted to influence the presidential election. #russiantrolls

[Anonymous Baptist @anonbaptist]

Today for me has been: 1, 3, 5, 7, 9, . . . That’s right, I just can’t even.

[Anonymous Baptist @anonbaptist]

Watch for my upcoming Netflix reality show, “Preachers in Parsonages Getting Pink Slips.”

[Anonymous Baptist @anonbaptist]

@PLegalist @LloydLegalist Mark 7:1-2

[Anonymous Baptist @anonbaptist]

@PLegalist @LloydLegalist @PulpitParody @Rev_Norespect Reminds me of the old hymn, 🎶“...Let angels’ prostates fall...��🎶

[Anonymous Baptist @anonbaptist]

Working on my first book, “From Flannel Boards to Fog Machines: Fifty Years of Baptist Summer Camps, 1968-2018”

[Anonymous Baptist @anonbaptist]

After hearing the youth guy’s message today, I’d like to offer a modification to the Multiplicative Property of Zero for sermons: Zero x 30 minutes is still zero.

[Anonymous Baptist @anonbaptist]

@PLegalist Love that analogy! Also, thousands watching while a handful do the work.

[Anonymous Baptist @anonbaptist]

Surprised to see so many Pentecostal soccer players in the World Cup. #slaininthespirit
#flopping

[Anonymous Baptist @anonbaptist]

We got the coffee ground and got some tea on ice and all my nerdy friends are comin’ over tonight.
#happy4th

[Anonymous Baptist @anonbaptist]

We Baptists scoff at our Catholic friends who pray to Mary, the “thetokos” (mother of God) - but around July 4, many of us practically elevate Lady Liberty to that same status.

[Anonymous Baptist @anonbaptist]

Nothing like a little EISegesis in this morning's sermon to cool you off this hot July day. Let's learn how patriotism equals godliness. #EisEisBaby

[Anonymous Baptist @anonbaptist]

It’s not quite the abomination of desolation, but the Hogs got slaughtered on the diamond tonight.

[Anonymous Baptist @anonbaptist]

A pitcher watching a bunch of relief pitchers running to the bullpen to warmup is like a pastor watching the deacons assemble a search committee during a sermon. #shorttimer #CWSFinals

[Anonymous Baptist @anonbaptist]

@ABAPastor “Born to be wild...” at least by ABA standards. Good thing this is anon account or you might be called up for a vote of confidence or even stronger church discipline.

[Anonymous Baptist @anonbaptist]

Did you miss Pence’s speech at #sbcam2018? No worries, you can see it on https://t.co/ZRHK1y1vNh.
#MakeSBCGreatAgain

[Anonymous Baptist @anonbaptist]

‘Tis the yeear for Greear. #sbc18