Anonymous Professor

We are professors of something or other that you hope to never get. Want to share something with us? Email: [email protected]

[Anonymous Professor @anonymousprofs]

Best teaching eval comment this year year: "This prof thinks she is some kind of expert." Correct you are! Perhaps it's the PhD I earned.

[Anonymous Professor @anonymousprofs]

Sounds great! Be the Vice Provost FOR FREE (in Florida, no less, which is a great place to be in higher ed)!

[Anonymous Professor @anonymousprofs]

Really excited that the university is--again!--using athletics to bail out admissions. Coming soon: women's flag football. I'm sure that will solve our admission woes.

[Anonymous Professor @anonymousprofs]

Do. Not. Fucking. Reply All.

Dammit it all to hell.

[Anonymous Professor @anonymousprofs]

@jwolfe73 Maybe that's it; it's only 1/10th time.

[Anonymous Professor @anonymousprofs]

Hey! Want to be an Associate Provost at the University of Illinois for between $15,000 and $40,000 a year?

Good luck, you cheap bastards.

[Anonymous Professor @anonymousprofs]

And it's not even fucking remote. Gah!

[Anonymous Professor @anonymousprofs]

Went up to an adjunct I didn't know recent. "Hi. I'm First & Last Name." "Hello," he responded. "I'm Dr. Smith. What do you do here?"

"I'm the Dean of the college."

He smiles. "No. Really."

"Really, Dr. Smith. But I never introduce myself with a title. That's not my name."

[Anonymous Professor @anonymousprofs]

On my drive to work today I saw a pick up truck with two stickers on its back window. One read, "Don't Follow Me: I Do Stupid Shit."

The other was a Trump sticker.

So noted, good sir.

[Anonymous Professor @anonymousprofs]

Everyone knows the Associate Dean is the motor and the Dean is but the face.

[Associate Deans @ass_deans]

I may not be the official dean but you all know I am the shadow dean!

[Anonymous Professor @anonymousprofs]

I look forward to making fun of people who spend $34 (+ shipping!) on this premium t-shirt.

"Limited edition, let's do some simple addition/Fifty dollars for a T-shirt, that's just some ignorant bitch shit/I call that getting-swindled-and-pimped shit"
https://t.co/u1d4cEUZIV

[Anonymous Professor @anonymousprofs]

I now really enjoy the angry tweets from former colleagues at my former institution. It's nice to know that their tomfuckery misery continues in my absence.

[Anonymous Professor @anonymousprofs]

Full confession: I don't have any of my syllabi done, and I don't think I'm going to by the first day of classes either. Not as long as their is tequila in the house.

[Anonymous Professor @anonymousprofs]

Okay, friends; I need to give a presentation for first year students about some things they should know about university.

Anyone want to share a tidbit of something they wish they would have known when they started college?

[Anonymous Professor @anonymousprofs]

It is amazing how quickly all of my plagiarism cases have pivoted to AI. And some of it is so easy to detect it’s laughable.

[Anonymous Professor @anonymousprofs]

The answer to all your questions is money.

[Daniel Coyne @DrDanMO]

@anonymousprofs The right to free speech includes not speaking, and not being forced to say things. A professor in the US should know this. Twitter worked with the US government to throttle speech. Elon won’t. Why you exercising this right would tick off @elonmusk is beyond me.

[Anonymous Professor @anonymousprofs]

Just for the sake of pissing off The Elon, I think we should organize a Twitter Dark Day and see what happens. I propose Election Day. LET’S GO DARK!

[Anonymous Professor @anonymousprofs]

Pro tip: don’t use Pods. Perhaps the worst decision I ever made ( and I decided to get an advanced degree in the humanities, so this means something).

[PODS Moving & Storage @PODS]

Pro tip: Get a portable moving container that doubles as flexible storage. 💪 📷: May L. #WhatMovesYou #Moving #Storage

[Anonymous Professor @anonymousprofs]

Some of the plagiarism cases I have see so early in this semester are so egregious the border on criminal and insulting.

[Anonymous Professor @anonymousprofs]

Just arrived at a new gig and I’m surprised beyond measure that the provost is not a complete asshole and seems to be a kind human being. My last VPAA was so cold I was convinced she was a damn android.

Humanity in academic leadership is rare indeed.

[Anonymous Professor @anonymousprofs]

I blessedly low $125 per semester. But we do have payroll deduction!

[Katie Walsh Flanagan, EdD, LAT, ATC @katieFlanAT]

Calling all #College and #university employees! How much are you charged annually to #park to go to work? @ECUProfessor @ass_deans @ProfMoneyBags @ProfSnarky @anonymousprofs @ReadTheSyllabus @prof