top 4 feelings:
1. showering when no one's home.
2. playing music and singing when no one's home.
3. coming home to an empty house.
4. cleaning when no one's home.
fear of communication is trauma based.
you either feel like your voice doesn’t matter, you think expressing how you feel is going to bring negative consequences, or you’re used to being silenced or invalidated
I’m pretty disappointed that I grew up believing bad people would face consequences for doing terrible things, only to become an adult and realize that bad people literally get away with everything. Sometimes, they even get rewarded for it.
being misunderstood while you’re already struggling is a different kind of exhaustion. now you have to survive what’s happening inside you and defend yourself from everyone who thinks you’re just being difficult.
sometimes you're just ugly and weird and awkward and kind of bad at everything and not very motivated to try and bad at keeping friends and bad at socializing and it's kind of okay