Alvin

'If I die turn my tweets into a book'

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-Gina Linetti

[Alvin @anselmcash]

Family :* hiding under the bed*

Armed robber:

Us:

Armed Robber:

Us:

Armed Robber:
*steps on carpet with shoes*

Mum: Hapo sasa ndio tutakosania! 😡

[Mr.Reliable @RealEdwin_88]

Early in the morning uko Maperas

[Malcolm Harris @BigMeanInternet]

Do other animals freak out when they see Victor Wembanyama? Like if a horse who's seen a ton of people sees him, the horse is gonna be like hey what the fuck, right?

[paavs @jagermeisterni]

job market so bad i got laid off... from an INTERNSHIP... i got via NEPOTISM??????????? what is going on

[𝚔𝚒𝚛𝚞𝚝𝚒 @kiruti]

I really enjoyed watching NatGeo shows on DStv back in the day. Megafactories, Megastructures, Aircraft Investigations, I Didn't Know That, Engineering Connections, Brain Games, Cosmos: A Space Time Odyssey, Science of Stupid... etc

[L3wi.s @Mnauwoo]

tumembiwa tusuggest day tutafanya makeup ya exam ya leo alafu kuna dem anasema isikue Monday juu ni birthday yake😂😂😂😭😭.

[EPOPS 🇦🇩🇮🇸 @KONGULOARSTEINN]

guy who changed his name to björn today: i wasn't björn yesterday

[Esnah Moraa @esnahmoraa]

The way politicians refer to the people as “Mwananchi wa Kawaida” really bothers me.

[Stunnar @ambrooky__]

Unaenda workplace unapata karibu Kila mtu ni mkisii hio ata si tribalism ni "ubagusii"

[🇰🇪 James WaNjeri @JamesKWaNjeri]

Did you know that Sagret hotel name comes from Samuel and Margaret Kibathi? Yes, this is the Muthokinju news section

[Farhiya ✨ @farhiiiyaaa___]

Hate when a Conductor successfully profiles me. Okay sawa this time naenda Eastleigh, lakini tusizoeane.

[Ndaga ® @fndaga]

Hailed an Uber to Westlands about 1 hour ago and the car was one of those tiny Chinese EVs called HENREY MINOR, but here's where it gets interesting, the driver's name was HENRY MAINA and my flabber was completely gasted 🤣😂😂🤣

[Olivia Pope @darkerberry__]

Dua lipa is such a cool name.I hope she knows what it means in swahili.

[FLY🇧🇷🇸🇳 @gtfudan]

Ngumu sana
Nishaiopen up once and all i received was "unakuwanga funny na hizi mashida zako"😭

[Mubabaddie. ⁶𓅓 @BrianMutuma_]

Wasichana wa refu wanaonaga nikama tunaworry about their frames.

Auntie nitakutega uanguke ndio nikuangukie 😤

[Shablowsk @virtuallyself]

eating popcorn in a movie theater and wiping my greasy hands on the pants of the guy sitting next to me

[Kiki @Njoki_Njanja]

Life meets you at your audacity

[Muad’Dib @Oom_nins]

One day I’ll take my colleagues to a boxing gym (under the guise of team building) and do what needs to be done.🙏🏾

[️ ️ ️ ️ @StrenjaDenja]

I know that I'm a mid table club. I don't expect my best players to stay for a long time.

[Kijana ya PresidenT™️ @Mirema_world]

unaenda kugeuza mumama round ya tano unaskia na wewe kijana huwa unasoma kweli

[Ngazekof @Mghazake]

Unatuma kijana yako University, kidogo hivi unaona kwa news akielezea changamoto wanazopitia kama wanabodaboda😂😭