(((seraphic cryptid)))

professionally hot online /// notoriously bad at replies /// be nice to me

[miss information @intelligentpawg]

LADIES!!! international women’s day is in 2 days. you get to rob and shoot a man of your choosing. start planning now

[(((seraphic cryptid))) @antifadoll]

the sun is out, i’m smoking in my car w the door open n window down so i can get sun on my face
and my bestie just ran outside w a jar lid full of tiramisu w a little spoon for me to taste-test it
and the cherry blossoms and magnolias are blooming
i love spring and my girls :’)

[(((seraphic cryptid))) @antifadoll]

i love my friendship w this person bc every time we hang out it’s mostly just him explaining horrifying deep cut internet cultural moments and their context to me
last night i learned about looksmaxxing and mogging lol

[(((seraphic cryptid))) @antifadoll]

“not to sound like A Guy Like Me but you should read blood meridian”

[(((seraphic cryptid))) @antifadoll]

devastating realization that i gotta get a fuckbuddy soon bc i’m NOT ready to get into a serious relationship, boning strangers sucks, and i can’t keep being late to events bc i’m jerkin off </3

[(((seraphic cryptid))) @antifadoll]

not to be libertarian on main but i should be able to doordash xanax

[(((seraphic cryptid))) @antifadoll]

unfortunately the most fun place to speed in this city is the super curvy poorly-lit road by the school for deaf children

[(((seraphic cryptid))) @antifadoll]

i love fb marketplace. like hell yeah i DO need some gently used ed hardy brand tiger-print sheets. my life is crumbling

[(((seraphic cryptid))) @antifadoll]

man i opened this app to brag about/have a digital memory of how i’m having an incredibly silly cool fun and ZANY ass week
overshadowed yet again!!! but also lol and lmao as well as, to the xxxtentacionification of that man

[(((seraphic cryptid))) @antifadoll]

havin a Hot Girl Day (bestie and i both played hooky and went on hot girl errands, been speeding around the city to speciality shops to buy ammo, a safe, caviar, and good champagne) i love my stupid hottie life

[(((seraphic cryptid))) @antifadoll]

can u believe i’m a real live stripper now :~)

[(((seraphic cryptid))) @antifadoll]

a beautiful woman should NEVER have to parallel park

[(((seraphic cryptid))) @antifadoll]

in the (public) work bathroom chain-vaping, re-gluing down my acrylic nails and making sure my nipples point forward in this see thru top 🫡

[(((seraphic cryptid))) @antifadoll]

sorry to be vulgar on main but i’ve never had this experience before and it was SO jarring—
my phone alarm started going off at the EXACT moment i started to cum
just obnoxious blaring sounds announcing the most annoying orgasm i’ve ever had
happy leo season

[(((seraphic cryptid))) @antifadoll]

man sometimes i love my dumb life so goddamn much
i’m feeling very lucky to exist rn

[(((seraphic cryptid))) @antifadoll]

“they are MUSTY”
“yeah i keep thinking polyamorous people smell like skin”

[(((seraphic cryptid))) @antifadoll]

accidentally slept in & missed the free continental breakfast. feels like every member of the hilton family has formed a line to individually spit on me or perhaps kick my shins

[(((seraphic cryptid))) @antifadoll]

southwest airlines is the Taking The Bus of aviation and every time i mistakenly find myself in their little metal hell tubes i promise it’ll be the last time
and yet??? i Suffer Again!!

[(((seraphic cryptid))) @antifadoll]

thinking about my mom’s ex husband who drove to his law office w a coffee mug of whiskey every day and smoked so many cigarettes he could put his entire arm into a beehive raw without getting stung even once, animals straight up avoided him like poison
RIP to a mediocre one 🫡

[(((seraphic cryptid))) @antifadoll]

traffic was so slow omw to work today that i got cat called by a truck driver on the other side of the freeway. for like, a while