Vacuous Spider Fucker

Your vibe is fucking disgusting

[iraq obama @ducktelevision]

my homie died a virgin and they had me write his nobitchuary dawg i can't stop cryin

[kunk @gunk4188]

the government caught me looking at sexy butt dot com and im getting put down

[its jex btw @beersmoker93]

tweeting is just a way to relieve the catholic urge to confess

[November @postoctobrist]

when they ask you what’s wrong

[tori @fakeplasticbone]

*getting tickled* okay bro stop lest the monster comes forth

[I eat short people @UnderwearStain]

Farted so hard in front of a revolving door that the force of it sent it spinning at 3000 rpm and the old lady inside it got centrifuged to death

[TheBlueKnight @CameronCortina1]

I recreate this sound way more often than I should

[maya @mayapo1ogies]

just drove my chevy all the way to the levy. you’re not gonna fucking believe this.

[WH @hastifliche]

Smashing my PC when it looked like the AoE II medium AI was beating me was not an act of frustration. It was actually an example of Extraplanar Warfare, the approach to military theory I've been developing. You attack the enemy in metaphysical modalities to which he has no access

[elly @suzifumi]

theyre remaking you in unreal engine 5 tomorrow bro. you're gonna have an over the shoulder camera now sorry man

[Jill Gutowitz @jillboard]

me going through the group chat reacting to things i missed: hehe, yay. heart heart heart. hearty heart heart. i love my friends

me when someone is going through the group chat late and reacting to things: oh great, here comes The Reactor

[jake rhodes @jakebrodes]

If I was getting tortured and some dumbass next to me on the rack was saying some shit like “in a thousand agonies I exist!!” I’d immediately snitch. Guard this man is finding catharsis and meaning through suffering. 10 hot lashes and also cut his penis off. Annoying motherfucker

[Rude Haako @rudehaako]

I’m playing Galactic Racer drunk as hell because it feels the closest to how Sebulba would have done it

[the heart @Fredward3948576]

I am being foolish. Because of my genetic predisposition to foolishness. My father was a fool, bless his heart. Bless our hearts

[johntheman_heiscome_heisme_PREACHTRUTHILLUMINATIPl @heiscomeheisme]

IF YOU AIM AN UNLOADED GUN AT A MIRROR AND PULL THE TRIGGER YOU WILL KILL YOUR SOUL AND BECOME WHAT IS KNOWN AS A "PHILOSOPHICAL ZOMBIE"

[Tina @Tina_Hokwana]

Tried some overnight oats with protein powder, greek yogurt and berries. Not only is it healthy and packed with protein, it is disgusting.

[Lott Dod @LottDood]

Separatist Council member Wat Tambor has recently come out and told the media he is no longer in a relationship with popular artist Sabrina Carpenter