absolutely incredible how i handle conflict when the other party doesn’t dismiss my feelings, is emotionally regulated/mature, doesn’t have a victim mentality, takes accountability, and apologizes.
maybe it'll help someone out there but the best lesson I learned in my 20s was to surround myself with great friends who weren't afraid of confrontation & being upfront with how they felt and open-minded in those hard conversations. dealing with indirect people who refuse to address problems directly and yet still talk about the issue behind your back to others will be a big source of anxiety & the pit in your stomach regarding friendships. there's a lot of wonderful people out there, but you absolutely do have to look ✨
In two of my relationships I’ve been on the side of receiving massages on a regular basis, one of them my very first, and I feel the fact it was my first set the bar quite high. to be woken up with a foot and calf massage, get head massages during and then full body massages after a bath—the impact on my nervous system was huge. both relaxing and arousing at once, it made me feel nourished, desired, tended to. I’d sometimes massage them in turn, and so we’d be able to give each other these sexy resets. to live together in a kind of rich, all-encompassing sensuality with lots of touch and bodily presence, massage and bathing rituals etc is honestly what keeps me sane in a relationship. I realized I need to physically feel my partner a lot when he’s around me. I can easily go long periods alone, as I’m a loner by nature, but when my partner is with me, I crave the quality presence of touch. I live for those hours of being naked together. there’s not much in the world as real to me as being naked with those you love. so much else in life feels way too abstract to me to truly grasp it or to ground me but sharing bodies naturally with each other is my little paradise of coming home.
relationships with avoidants are so painful man.. they legit view mutual emotional support as, like, catering to another person’s needs, because the only need they believe they have that requires support from others is “space/autonomy”, so they view you as unhealthy, clingy or even entitled, when you’re literally just existing as a person with a normal level of attachment to a loved one and a logical expectation that someone who claims to love you back would WANT to be there for you IF needed
noah was talking about how people didn’t like his setlist and people started booing and he was like “you can boo all you want but i know some of you out there were talking about it” 💀