Alice Onland

23 year old student. TV and film buff. Professional procrastinator.

[AmyPoehlerSmartGirls @smrtgrls]

.@carrieffisher inspired & led generations of women through her acting, writing, & mental health advocacy. Thank you. ❤️ #ripcarriefisher

[Funny Or Die @funnyordie]

RIP Carrie Fisher. Gone way too soon at 60 after drowning in moonlight, strangled by her own bra.

[Mark Hamill @MarkHamill]

no words #Devastated

[Misha Collins @mishacollins]

My new MMA/Crossfit trainer is brutal! (But I have to admit, fear and humiliation have proven to be great motivators for me...)

[James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn @XplodingUnicorn]

4-year-old: *eating pizza* This is what I love the most in the whole world.

Me: You forgot about your family.

4: No I didn't.

[Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome]

Facebook's adding a “Fake News” warning. Ok, but where is the "Your ex went on vacation with another guy and posted cute photos” warning?

[Bernie Sanders @BernieSanders]

Walmart costs taxpayers $6.2 billion every year in public assistance programs by not paying their workers a living wage. That is insane.

[Sen. Bernie Sanders @SenSanders]

If Trump is truly planning to stand up for working people, he would not be filling up his cabinet with billionaires and Wall Street bankers.

[James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn @XplodingUnicorn]

4-year-old: *runs around* I have super speed!

Me: Use your superpower to get ready for preschool faster.

4: I can only use it for good.

[Sen. Bernie Sanders @SenSanders]

Incredibly, Trump’s 17 cabinet-level picks have more wealth than one-third of U.S. households combined - 43 million households!

[James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn @XplodingUnicorn]

My 2-year-old came into my room wheezing in the middle of the night

I thought it was an asthma attack

Turns out she was being Darth Vader

[James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn @XplodingUnicorn]

My phone autocorrected "my dad" to "murder dad," and now my parents and I have a lot to talk about at Christmas.

[Alice Onland @AOnland]

Lecturer: Next week we'll have a revision class, so be sure to send through any questions you have
Me: I have one now. What the fuck?

[Zendaya @Zendaya]

ICONIC...Cindy taught me😘 @CindyCrawford

[NowThis Impact @nowthisimpact]

Watch @BernieSanders change a Trump supporter's mind in 90 seconds

[Chelsea Peretti @chelseaperetti]

THIS HAD TO BE THE ONLY TAKE IN WHICH WE WERENT CRYING OR SHAKING WITH LAUGHTER OF 300 https://t.co/2MBP83VvxZ

[Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome]

To: New Energy Secretary Rick Perry- How bout we power the country with a turbine connected to the founding fathers rolling in their graves?

[Alice Onland @AOnland]

10 days left of uni for the year. Let's get'er done #holiday #unibreak

[Alice Onland @AOnland]

Obviously hard at work studying @h3h3productions #TheReturnOfPrankInvasion #BlowjobEdition