hi?

just screwing around

[hi? @apetrifiedorang]

not to brag but I have seen hundreds of dogs

[hi? @apetrifiedorang]

i just got a bbl and i should be recovering but my husband is craving my vegetable lasagna

[hi? @apetrifiedorang]

"no one wants to know what is in my bag" -- ilya

[hi? @apetrifiedorang]

Do you remember when you joined twitter? I do! #MytwitterAnniversarybitch

[hi? @apetrifiedorang]

shane is a really cool bug and if anyone tries to squash him I will squash them

[hi? @apetrifiedorang]

baby shane in a fox costume

[hi? @apetrifiedorang]

everybody leave

[hi? @apetrifiedorang]

gonna time travel and have a Victorian child named hollanov

[hi? @apetrifiedorang]

saw an unethical photograph that made me unethically sad

[hi? @apetrifiedorang]

can't stop thinking about ilya on trains

[hi? @apetrifiedorang]

shane is a spider. he is climbing up your wall

[hi? @apetrifiedorang]

"I was born a grown man!" announced Shane to an empty locker room. "Shut up," replied a bug on the wall.

[hi? @apetrifiedorang]

im really disappointed that a zebra crossing is not a crossing for zebras

[hi? @apetrifiedorang]

hudson williams is a special human being and we should all fall at his feet

[hi? @apetrifiedorang]

hudson williams if you are reading this i want you to know that you are a good human being and I am proud of you sincerely random person

[hi? @apetrifiedorang]

shane hollander has 7,999 kids

[hi? @apetrifiedorang]

shane is a bug ilya is a pug. shane and ilya are both furniture. has anyone ever thought about how much harder it is for spiders to cross popcorn ceilings as opposed to regular smooth ones.

[hi? @apetrifiedorang]

I wanna pal around with a bunch of queers

[hi? @apetrifiedorang]

😭

[fran @galacticidiots]

Reader’s block is disgusting because I have hundreds, thousands of perfect little stories at my disposal and a heart yearning to read them yet I can’t get past the first few paragraphs of anything. About to end it all.