Alpha Phi House Dad 🇹🇹

Father to the best group of Christian, Drug free and Celibate girls there are! Pronouns: We/Them/Boyz #GoRebs #NattyChamps

[autist @litteralyme0]

me to my friend after he told me to stop texting back the girl who broke my heart 3 times

[T 🇹🇹 @AlaskanTom]

I will live and die in Dixie

[DJ @TxForever]

Me 2 weeks from today when I’m 8 beers deep and it’s 3rd down.

[Small Soldiers (1998) @AnimeSerbia]

The coworker my wife cheats on me with died in a car accident

[Cheapie13 @Cheapie13]

Lots of casual drinkers. I’m more of a ranked/competitive drinker

[Alpha Phi House Dad 🇹🇹 @APhiHouseDad]

@ImMeme0 These women will grow old and alone and I’m here for it.

[Delete MY Account @HamHock42]

I dont mean to sound basic white suburban dad here but we are hosting people and one of the dads who I have never met opened my grill and started seasoning food that I was making from a very specific marinade while I was in the bathroom. We have to fight to the death right?

[Investing Addict @InvestingAddict]

Imagine going to Costco for a hot dog and a Coke and coming home with a $3,000 sauna.

[cory @_averagemeat]

Hit a girls parked car last week and now she’s texting me asking if I want to get drinks tonight #whatdatmean

[ol’ stocky ⛳️ @oldstocky]

A third coffee so I can yawn with a heart rate of 180 bpm

[Joey Swoll @TheJoeySwoll]

Again, damned if you, damned if you don’t. 😑

[Alpha Phi House Dad 🇹🇹 @APhiHouseDad]

Each day we stray further away from God.

[Matt Lindner @mattlindner]

Have you ever found yourself eating a Pop Tart and thinking "Man, I really wish this Pop Tart could get me drunk"? GOOD NEWS https://t.co/oRyEpHzfFO

[paige @BonerWizard]

you laugh but this is the only safe food or drink in the united states of America

[ciel @xzcielz]

do u wanna hangout once the curse lifts

[blue🌞 @cyanopsis]

no babe i love how 30 you are

[Matt Lindner @mattlindner]

Have you ever found yourself eating a Pop Tart and thinking "Man, I really wish this Pop Tart could get me drunk"? GOOD NEWS https://t.co/oRyEpHzfFO

[Alpha Phi House Dad 🇹🇹 @APhiHouseDad]

@Howlingmutant0 This is a total banger

[HowlingMutant @Howlingmutant0]

Came home to the sound of my retarded wife throwing ice cubes in the bathroom and screaming and crying, looking like it’s gonna be a Hungry Man dinner tonight boys lol. Kid is awful quiet though…

[Degen CPA @DrewVento]

Girls be like “I manifested this” and it’s just them being an escort on a boat.

[Thrilla the Gorilla @ThrillaRilla369]

Unpopular opinion but blaming a crime on postpartum psychosis is like a man blaming his testosterone for rape. Hormones aren't an excuse for horrific acts. The victims are 3 innocent babies. Enough of this crap.