casey applebee

[casey applebee @applebee_casey]

[sees girl reading The Catcher in the Rye]
"Ah I love that book. The way he just [clenches fist] catches all that frickin rye."

[casey applebee @applebee_casey]

*walk up to woman breastfeeding baby* Is this guy bothering you?

[casey applebee @applebee_casey]

STOP TELLING ME YOUR NEWBORN'S WEIGHT AND LENGTH I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH THAT INFORMATION.

[casey applebee @applebee_casey]

Missed Connection: You were standing at the RedBox. I was in my car masturbating. I accidentally honked like 7 times.

[casey applebee @applebee_casey]

waiter, there's a reflection of a sad and lonely man in my soup

[casey applebee @applebee_casey]

THIS IS DISGUSTING!! https://t.co/2N1JxiA7wU

[casey applebee @applebee_casey]

The most embarrassing part about farting myself awake was that it was the most interesting aspect of my PowerPoint presentation.

[casey applebee @applebee_casey]

Some interesting facts I learned at the children's museum, lightning bugs are actually beetles and I hate children.

[casey applebee @applebee_casey]

"Don't worry, I'll hold your stuff. You just worry about making friends." - Cargo Shorts

[casey applebee @applebee_casey]

This girl told me she liked to be teased in the bedroom so we laid down and I said her new glasses looked stupid and she starts crying. wtf?

[casey applebee @applebee_casey]

FAKE BREEDS I'VE TOLD PEOPLE MY DOG IS AT THE DOG PARK: Venetian Dabney, Brown Feta, Waxbeard, Oxnard Pike, Blue Hustler, High Presbyterian

[casey applebee @applebee_casey]

https://t.co/jT9plc1Ae7

[casey applebee @applebee_casey]

striiiipppeeesss!!!! https://t.co/AK0fjPvjRb

[casey applebee @applebee_casey]

JUST BOUGHT THESE!! Am i a basic white girl or what lol https://t.co/VvX9VAATEe

[casey applebee @applebee_casey]

Sick of having to go to 2 different huts to buy pizza & sunglasses.

[casey applebee @applebee_casey]

who do i need to kiss to get this ;) https://t.co/f0o9cgnVGr

[casey applebee @applebee_casey]

is there anything more capitalist than a peanut with a top hat, cane, and monocle selling you other peanuts to eat

[casey applebee @applebee_casey]

"Do you have Coke"
No, is Pepsi okay
"Do you have updog"
What's updog
"Haha not much and no Pepsi is absolutely not okay"

[casey applebee @applebee_casey]

free follows, following everyone who RTS this, follow chain!

[casey applebee @applebee_casey]

Been on hold so long I can't remember who I called. I have a credit card out and my pants off but that doesn't really narrow it down much.