It saddens me that so many people have gone through an avoidant discard. It’s not a normal breakup, it’s fundamentally one of the most traumatizing things you can experience.
I like calm men. Men who don’t shout or break things when they’re mad. Men who tell you exactly how they feel. Men who communicate. Men who talk you in a gentle, low voice telling you what made them mad or what you did wrong.
Learn the lesson: Once the words are out, you cannot take them back. Keep them under control. Be particularly careful with sarcasm: The momentary satisfaction you gain with your biting words will be outweighed by the price you pay.
what an immense privilege it is to be unaffected by war and genocide, to be able to turn off the news and go about your day without a second thought to the suffering others cannot escape
Self-deprecating humor comes from a fear of humiliation. It hurts when people laugh at you for losing, but it doesn’t hurt when they laugh at you for pretending to be a loser. It’s saying “you can hurt me if I hurt myself first.” This is the psychology of the class clown:
Safe relationships don’t always feel good. You will be in tears with each other having tough conversations—and facing the wounded parts of yourself. Safe relationships just won’t weaponize or shame those parts of you.