April McMillan

graphic designer ordinaire • IG: whimsytoons

[April McMillan @aprilgem]

When I first met my now husband, I felt truly at ease, and I knew that he would be one of my friends for life. The feeling was so strong, I thought to myself, “He looks better than his bad photos. I really need to help him with his online dating profile.” 😁

[Dr. Nicole LePera @Theholisticpsyc]

Your nervous system will tell you when you've met your person.

It won't feel like fireworks.

This is what love is to your nervous system:

[April McMillan @aprilgem]

OMG. Why the hell does Tom Waits not have an album titled For No Man???

If you ask me, that is just a wasted opportunity.

[April McMillan @aprilgem]

Screw “I hate small talk.” It’s only small talk when you’re not truly interested in what the other person has to say.

[April McMillan @aprilgem]

I’ve started learning how to play #chess on @duolingo … and my ELO rating so far is very humbling.

Heck, my credit score is higher.

[April McMillan @aprilgem]

I’m in my 50s, and I have itchy gums, so that means I’m teething, right?

[April McMillan @aprilgem]

Him: Ready, Sweetheart?
Me: Yes, Sweetliver.
Him:
Me: Sweetkidney? Sweetbrain? Sweet— what organ should I call you?
Him: Sweetdick, of course!
Me: Oh. Oh, yeah!
Him: I can’t believe that wasn’t your first choice. I mean, come on

[April McMillan @aprilgem]

Don’t go swimming in Brazil. The sharks there are testing positive for cocaine.

[April McMillan @aprilgem]

I don’t mind the boy being on the phone with his friends all evening. I don’t mind that he says, “Hey, bro” pretty darn regularly. What I do mind is that I can’t tune him out entirely because “Hey, Bro” sounds a lot like “April”.

[April McMillan @aprilgem]

This means I speak nearly as well as a toddler now.

[April McMillan @aprilgem]

Me to him while watching the Bill and Frank episode of The Last of Us:
Single people should forget about OKCupid and just dig a hole in the ground to find the love of their life.

[April McMillan @aprilgem]

I’m a World Champion! What’s your Duolingo learner style? #Duolingo365

[April McMillan @aprilgem]

Last night the 11yo asked if he could call me Mom. I told him he could, but that it might take me a while before I got used to responding to it.

Before anyone gets excited though, it’s really not that big a deal. He calls his dad Mom, too, sometimes.

[April McMillan @aprilgem]

I remember Padres games here. Good times

[OldTimeHardball @OleTimeHardball]

Jack Murphy Stadium

[April McMillan @aprilgem]

Me to the meowing cat this morning:

“English, please!”

[April McMillan @aprilgem]

Me after all the Halloween decorations have been put up:

Dude, y’all need to do a better job of cleaning around here. There are cobwebs all over the place.

[April McMillan @aprilgem]

“Doing meal prep” for the week sounds so nice, so healthy and productive.

It makes cooking way too much on a Sunday and packing leftovers for your work lunches sound so much better and more intentional.

[April McMillan @aprilgem]

This is your friendly reminder that there is a difference between a butt dial and a booty call.

Thank you.

[April McMillan @aprilgem]

Don't you, forget about me
Don't, don't, don't, don't
Don't you, forget about me

[April McMillan @aprilgem]

I’m at a lesson in ⁦@duolingo⁩ where animals are doing all sorts of things you would never guess they could do. Horses cleaning bathrooms. Cows watching TV. Dogs doing differential equations in their head while juggling machetes and balancing on a ball. You know. The usual.