Aprill Brandon

Writer, admin/blogger @ Chick Writes Stuff, really bad stick figure artist

[Aprill Brandon @aprill_brandon]

On today’s episode of Why Did I Have Children…

7: Sometimes I get nervous before dinner but just because I’m worried your food will make me puke.

[Aprill Brandon @aprill_brandon]

Me: I was thinking of doing a couple’s costume this year for Halloween.

Husband: I could get behind that idea. What did you have in mind?

Me: …oh wow, this is awkward.

Husband: You were talking about with the dog.

Me: I was talking about with the dog.

[Aprill Brandon @aprill_brandon]

No! Bad summer! Go home!

There's always that one week in September https://t.co/DnFtyqTSnr

[Aprill Brandon @aprill_brandon]

Just found out my 9-yr-old thinks jay walking is when you dance while crossing the street. NO ONE CORRECT HIM.

[Aprill Brandon @aprill_brandon]

Just spent the last 20+ minutes arguing about why cannibalism is wrong with two small versions of myself. And I’m pretty sure I’m losing. In case any of you are still on the fence about having children.

[Aprill Brandon @aprill_brandon]

6: Look, mom! My butt jiggles when I hit it!

Me: Yup. That’s pretty much the best part about butts.

6: I wonder how much it would jiggle if I threw a salamander at it?

Me: Like the animal?

6: Obviously.

[Aprill Brandon @aprill_brandon]

@missssssssty I’d pay so much for that

[Aprill Brandon @aprill_brandon]

Me checking my period tracker app to see if my husband and kids really are horrible ungrateful goblin assholes that don’t deserve me or if I’m about to start my period.

[Aprill Brandon @aprill_brandon]

Ruining my appetite between meals is my favorite part of adulthood.

[Aprill Brandon @aprill_brandon]

New blog post! Our dishwasher is broken and SURPRISE, I am not coping.

Airing our dirty dishes https://t.co/pg6D85QMR4

[Aprill Brandon @aprill_brandon]

My kids came from school with all their Valentines candy loot and it was like Halloween 2: Rise of the Pastels.

[Aprill Brandon @aprill_brandon]

The Mikesell’s potato chip factory in Dayton is closing and this former Ohioan IS NOT COPING. Those chips are like 70 percent of the reason I come home to visit. #mikesells

[Aprill Brandon @aprill_brandon]

Just doing my part to help support local female-owned small businesses https://t.co/fBSmcS9lg6

[Aprill Brandon @aprill_brandon]

Hope is the thing with feathers.

The Soccer Ball https://t.co/I3oV9I5Yqx

[Aprill Brandon @aprill_brandon]

Tis the most wonderful time of the year.

For some of us.

(Flu) Season's Greetings https://t.co/zoCYcfv6Hp

[Jon Stewart @jonstewart]

See you on the other side Arbys…#RIPTwitter

[Aprill Brandon @aprill_brandon]

@BewilderedPod @kennebunklib Yay! That’s so exciting ❤️

[Aprill Brandon @aprill_brandon]

Just bought a new crockpot without doing hardly any research. In case any of my high school classmates were wondering if I stayed cool. *finger guns*