Evan (your close personal friend!)

all split on green/up to low shenanigans

[Evan (your close personal friend!) @apunkoranother]

I will never love a person as much as I love the last 3 1/2 minutes of Beach Life-In-Death and that’s fine. Best to come to terms with these things.

[Switch @IISwitchII]

July 4th, 2025: Cal Raleigh hits his 35th home run, raises his OPS to 1.027 and the Mariners improve to 46-42, 7.0 GB in AL West.

July 4th, 2026: Cal Raleigh hits his 9th home run, raises his OPS to .573 and the Mariners improve to 46-44, 0.5 GA in AL West.

[Evan (your close personal friend!) @apunkoranother]

“Mangling the queen’s English like Don King is my linguist” man Billy Woods been the goat since like 03

[Evan (your close personal friend!) @apunkoranother]

@FullBlownMltdwn @SideOneDummy Every now and again I have the thought that I might actually prefer their first album. Then I hear My Life Is Over and I feel silly for ever doubting this album. Perfect record.

[sebastian castillo @bartlebytaco]

as i've gotten older that thing about understanding why stalin and lenin just shot people becomes truer for me

[punchable whackable punished bitch @wonton_sarah]

if you’re scared to visit Asheville, North Carolina you should be lobotomized

[Boots, 'with the fur' @afraidofwasps]

visibly shazamming Party Rock Anthem

[Evan (your close personal friend!) @apunkoranother]

everybody got that two-and-a-half year section of their camera roll that brings them Unmitigated Despair

[Evan (your close personal friend!) @apunkoranother]

this tweet brought to you by me smoking way too much before watching Dragged Across Concrete

[Evan (your close personal friend!) @apunkoranother]

(to the tune of The Wanderer) well i’m the type of guy who’s a really racist guy

[Evan @MacDonaldTweets]

I seem to be more affected by Clavicular's death than I realized, sir.

[Liam Gallagher @liamgallagher]

@icey_melted I hate myself and I want to die

[Evan (your close personal friend!) @apunkoranother]

@breakingbaht @steamycoffee23 @JakedChinatown Anyone with sense would reject the premise that her very milquetoast girlboss pop songs constitute social hatred. If you hear like Manchild and come to conclusion that it is an act of hate, you have a completely alien worldview to me and most other people.

[Evan (your close personal friend!) @apunkoranother]

@breakingbaht @steamycoffee23 @JakedChinatown The idea that Sabrina Carpenter’s career is built on social hatred is completely divorced from reality. She was on the Disney channel. Her career is *built* on a bad sitcom. Crowder’s career is built on cross dressing, why is he supposed to be a spiritual authority?

[Evan (your close personal friend!) @apunkoranother]

@breakingbaht @steamycoffee23 @JakedChinatown The point being made is literally the exact logical fallacy you’re talking about. The idea is that the lady’s current opinion about blasphemy is irrelevant because of past blasphemy. You’re upset that Crowder’s opinion is irrelevant because of his past abuse. It’s both or neither

[Evan (your close personal friend!) @apunkoranother]

@Vince97023186 and I almost killed my dad with two bong rips once. He started rambling about how you had to be smart to think that Chandler from Friends was funny and then he passed out on a pallet.

[CJ☔️ @samwakinsvv]

Have you smoked weed with your parents?

[Evan (your close personal friend!) @apunkoranother]

Every time the Mariners lose my night becomes like the Blue Bayou scene from Man On Fire

[pokey @pokeywvu]

Baseball is a good sport to introduce to a child because it teaches them that evil and despair always prevail

[Evan (your close personal friend!) @apunkoranother]

Can’t find the original article/post but about once a day I remember the story about David Byrne being mugged and shouting “oh no!” as he’s dragged into bushes and it never gets less funny

[Evan (your close personal friend!) @apunkoranother]

March Madness Bracket got fucked up on day one so honestly maybe I should just get drunk until April