my depressive journal of thoughts

[my depressive journal of thoughts @arcaneallusions]

How i can move on with life, when my parents cant seem to take care of themselves without me

[my depressive journal of thoughts @arcaneallusions]

End of depressive journal page 30

[my depressive journal of thoughts @arcaneallusions]

And I feel like I need to loosen some shackles then so be it

[my depressive journal of thoughts @arcaneallusions]

I'll stay alive for now. Work myself to be better. Will be abit more extreme if I have to

[my depressive journal of thoughts @arcaneallusions]

But ya this is not a life worth living if I cant find anything more worth to live for

[my depressive journal of thoughts @arcaneallusions]

Not like anyone is going to read this and decide to help me turn my life 180

[my depressive journal of thoughts @arcaneallusions]

I am also very very close to stopping this expression of emotions through social media

[my depressive journal of thoughts @arcaneallusions]

Im very very close to closing my heart entirely

[my depressive journal of thoughts @arcaneallusions]

But I have yet to find someone like that

[my depressive journal of thoughts @arcaneallusions]

I don't want to live this life alone. But at the same time I know I cannot settle for just anyone

[my depressive journal of thoughts @arcaneallusions]

But when I don't have both of them anymore, and I have no future for myself. Idk what I would do honestly

[my depressive journal of thoughts @arcaneallusions]

Now I'm just focusing to make sure I have enough to take care of the two most important people in my life.
I'll do anything to keep them happy

[my depressive journal of thoughts @arcaneallusions]

It's like I only look at the failures and focus on them way more than I should but I feel like those are the aspects that actually pull me so down

[my depressive journal of thoughts @arcaneallusions]

I dont get what is stopping me from getting to experience total happiness. I almost have the life I wanted

[my depressive journal of thoughts @arcaneallusions]

When everyone has moved on with their lives, I'm left behind scrambling to put my life into something presentable for the public to see. Tho masking the very ugly parts

[my depressive journal of thoughts @arcaneallusions]

And still I feel like I dont belong anywhere. I feel very unneeded sometimes

[my depressive journal of thoughts @arcaneallusions]

I can be so different right now if my actions in the past weren't considering my future or the future of the people arnd me

[my depressive journal of thoughts @arcaneallusions]

I look at myself and yes I think I have done most things right with my life. Yet I still feel unsatisfied

[my depressive journal of thoughts @arcaneallusions]

I keep asking what I must do to change. But right now I'm not sure if that is the right question.

[my depressive journal of thoughts @arcaneallusions]

I don't blame them for being who they are but why can't I be pulled more towards the kind of people who I prefer