Aaron, Ostrich boy

I do copious amounts of DnD and I wish my job was writing poetry and playing board games. Married to @lilgymmonkee

[Aaron, Ostrich boy @arn_the_ostrich]

My wife can remember our account and routing numbers and our nephews’ birthdays; I can remember the names and types of all the 1st gen pokémon, how to tell the difference between a croc and a gator, and the lyrics to Handlebars, so I guess you could say we’re both killing it.

[Aaron, Ostrich boy @arn_the_ostrich]

@xapismarie They’re the type of people that think you have to be extra critical of everything or else people won’t know they’re smart.

[Aaron, Ostrich boy @arn_the_ostrich]

I wish it were more widely acknowledged that not all art is made for you specifically.

[Aaron, Ostrich boy @arn_the_ostrich]

I generally don’t care what people choose to do about me after I die, but on God, if you put an in memoriam window sticker for me on your vehicle, I will haunt that vehicle, and you won’t like it.

[Aaron, Ostrich boy @arn_the_ostrich]

Gas dropped below $3/gallon in my area, and yet I haven’t seen any of those “I did that” Biden stickers. Curious.

[Aaron, Ostrich boy @arn_the_ostrich]

I shouldn’t be allowed to make adult money, I’m a frickin maniac

[Aaron, Ostrich boy @arn_the_ostrich]

@xapismarie I don’t have it on my phone but I’m thinking that one of me at the picnic table in my Bug’s Life PJs with major bedhead the morning after the raccoons stole all our stuff at the Warren Dunes campsite.

[Aaron, Ostrich boy @arn_the_ostrich]

Listen, I’m not excusing the Grinch’s actions, I’m just saying I get it.

[Aaron, Ostrich boy @arn_the_ostrich]

@xapismarie @ErikaNorton10 Oh snap!! Collaboration does work!

[Aaron, Ostrich boy @arn_the_ostrich]

@xapismarie @ErikaNorton10 I was thinking something with monks

[Aaron, Ostrich boy @arn_the_ostrich]

@xapismarie @ErikaNorton10 I was going to try to gaslight you into thinking we called it something different but I couldn’t think of anything funny enough

[Aaron, Ostrich boy @arn_the_ostrich]

People will say “Okay, story time,” and then tell you the most pointless story you’ve ever heard in your life

[Aaron, Ostrich boy @arn_the_ostrich]

Just wrote the first “dissatisfied customer” email of my life. While writing it, I thought I was tough, but fair; now that I’ve sent it, I’m worried I was too mean and emotional. 🫠

[Aaron, Ostrich boy @arn_the_ostrich]

@xapismarie It’s funny because they’re correct about how the US is worse than Sodom, but not at all for the reasons they think.
“Now this was the sin of your sister Sodom: She and her daughters were arrogant, overfed and unconcerned; they did not help the poor and needy.” Ezekiel 16:49

[Aaron, Ostrich boy @arn_the_ostrich]

@xapismarie Be safe in Florida!

I mean everywhere else, too,

But especially Florida.

[Aaron, Ostrich boy @arn_the_ostrich]

@xapismarie I’m just like, hell yeah they do, but they can’t make your mcchicken WHILE THEY’RE AT SCHOOL, ya dingus. Why don’t people understand this?

[Aaron, Ostrich boy @arn_the_ostrich]

Another company holds meetings below my work’s office, and I just overheard, “Do high school kids not work AT ALL anymore??”

[Aaron, Ostrich boy @arn_the_ostrich]

Well, the years start coming and they don’t stop coming and they don’t stop coming and they don’t stop coming and they don’t stop coming and they don’t stop coming and they don’t stop coming and they don’t stop coming and they don’t stop coming and they don’t stop coming and they

[Aaron, Ostrich boy @arn_the_ostrich]

How did we ever turn being an asshole into a brand? Is this purely an American thing?

[Aaron, Ostrich boy @arn_the_ostrich]

When it’s your job to fix stuff that breaks in other people’s houses, it’s really kind of a super bummer when stuff breaks in your house and you have to fix it.

[Aaron, Ostrich boy @arn_the_ostrich]

@xapismarie I don’t have proof, she just reads the names and I look up their mascots! You can ask her though, she’s honor bound to tell of my triumphs

[Aaron, Ostrich boy @arn_the_ostrich]

I didn’t fill out a bracket, but I’ve been predicting who wins what basketball game by which mascot would win in a fight between the two. My wife’s mad because so far I’ve been right every time.