Adebowale Arojo

Ex-boy, Agbafian, a social critic, a wrtiter, an avid reader, an apostle of differed gratification, a tech enthusiast and an advocate of disruptive innovations.

[BEST RICE @gabsonojo1]

I’ve gone through the whole story carefully.

And honestly, this one is deeper than "she slept with three men, should he stay or leave?"

I think if we reduce it to that, we will miss the real issue, sir.

First, I don't think the girl cheated on him.

This is the first thing I would establish.

They started whatever relationship they had as children, around 12.

They were 14 when he relocated.

They maintained the relationship from a distance, but eventually he blocked her and they did not speak for more than three years.

During those three years, she dated other people.

She was not secretly cheating on him while they were together.

They were separated.

Even the man himself admits:

I understand they were separated, that she was free to live her life, and that I do not blame her for that.

So logically, he knows she didn't do anything wrong.

The problem is that knowing something logically and accepting it emotionally are two different things.

And that is where his real battle is.

The real problem is what is happening inside his head.

He has this picture of this girl as the girl he loved from childhood.

Then he discovers that while they were apart, six other men entered her life and three of them became sexually intimate with her and she said.

His mind is probably asking questions like:

"How could the woman I have loved since I was 12 be with other men?"

"How did she give other men what I always wanted?"

"What did those men have with her?"

Even though he knows she was free.

That is jealousy. That is insecurity.

That is also retroactive jealousy.

And honestly, I don't think telling him, "You have no right to feel this way" will solve anything.

His feelings are real.

But feelings being real doesn't mean they should control his decision.

Now, there is another part of this story that I find very important.

This woman didn't just disappear and move on.

According to the story, she kept trying to reach him through different numbers, social media accounts, friends' WhatsApp and email.

At one point, she even told him she was sick.

Eventually they talked, found their way back to each other, and she agreed to distance herself from those friendships because she knew they were affecting him.

For over a year now, he says she has been caring, respectful, supportive and considerate.
He says he can see the effort.

That matters.

Because we shouldn't judge somebody only by who they were three years ago.

People change.

And if the woman he has today is genuinely different from the woman he remembers from those years, then he has to decide whether he wants to build a relationship with the woman standing in front of him today or continue fighting with the woman who existed during those three years.

That's the big question for me.

But I also have a problem with one thing.

He asked her how many men she dated and how many she slept with.

She answered him honestly.

Now he has information that he cannot remove from his head.
😂

Sometimes you ask a question thinking the answer will give you peace, only to discover that the answer has given you another problem.

Because what exactly is he going to do with the information now?

He can't go back three years and change anything.

He can't punish her for something she did while they were no longer together.

And he certainly can't stay with her while reminding her every few weeks that she slept with three men during the period when he had blocked her and refused to speak to her.

That would be unfair.

So should he stay or leave?

I would tell him to stay only if he is genuinely capable of accepting her past.

Not tolerating it.

Not pretending.

Accepting it.

There is a big difference.

If he stays today and spends the next five years thinking about those three men, comparing himself with them, asking questions about what happened, becoming suspicious whenever she talks to another man, or throwing her past in her face whenever they have an argument.

[Àgbà John Doe (back up) @jon_d_doee]

A 23-year-old man says he and a childhood friend became a couple in Nigeria when he was only 12.

They had grown up in the same compound. Their families had known each other for years. When his family relocated to Sweden, leaving her was one of the hardest parts of the move.

They were both 14 when he left Nigeria.

The night before he left, they met near her church, both emotional. He told her distance would not end what they had, and that he would find a way for them to stay in each other’s lives.

A few months after the move he found her on Facebook, having lost his old account. They were happy to reconnect and kept the relationship going across the distance.

Things held until she entered university. She started staying out late and spending a lot of time with male friends.

He said he was uncomfortable. She insisted they were only friends. Jealousy, frustration, and anger got the better of him.

He blocked her.

They did not speak for more than three years.

What still stays with him is that she never fully stopped trying. She reached him through different numbers, other social media accounts, friends’ WhatsApp, and email.

At one point she told him she was sick.

He was too hurt and angry to answer.

Later he found an email from her titled simply “Important.” It was a long message asking why he had abandoned her and why he no longer wanted anything to do with her.

They finally talked. She maintained that the men he had worried about had only been friends.

They found their way back. He asked if she was willing to distance herself from those friendships.

She said it would be difficult, then agreed, and he says she actually did it.

They have now been together again for over a year.

He describes her as caring, respectful, supportive, and considerate. She consults him before important decisions.

He says he can see the effort.

When he visited Nigeria last year they spent a week together, and being with her brought back the two children who had fallen in love years earlier.

One thing he has not been able to put down: he asked whether she had dated anyone during the three years apart (the period he blocked her).

She told him she had dated six men and been sexually involved with three of them.

He says he understands they were separated, that she was free to live her life, and that he does not blame her for that.

Emotionally he still struggles with the fact that other men were intimate with the woman he has loved since childhood.

He asks himself whether he is being unreasonable, whether this is only jealousy, or whether it is something he cannot live with. She is treating him well now.

He does not want to throw away something meaningful because he cannot silence her past. He also does not want to stay while quietly resenting her for years when they were no longer together.

He recently saw my post saying people should never take an ex back (especially if she had been intimate with other men), and it made him look harder at his own situation.

His heart still loves her.

The woman she is today gives him the care and respect he says he has always wanted. The years apart will not leave his head.

His visit to Nigeria last year was the first time he had sex with her.

Should he keep building this and learn to let those three years go, or is it wiser to walk away?

AJD.

[Adebowale Arojo @arojo_adebowale]

@jon_d_doee 😄😂🤣

[Adebowale Arojo @arojo_adebowale]

@BiodunAdeyanju1 Jeffrey Daniels has been living in Nigeria for over a decade,his wife is Nigerian & the last time I was at his place to do a job in Abuja,the couple had a baby. Mr Daniels sought Medicare on Nigerian soil because he lives here, he didn't come or it from the US.

[Adebowale Arojo @arojo_adebowale]

@GuardianNigeria 😂🤣 Baba, go sit down jare. All this talk na lamba.

[Adebowale Arojo @arojo_adebowale]

@akintollgate I am not surprised, it's obvious that you have tasted Tinubu's filthy lucre. Enjoy your share of the loot from the river of dirty money.

[Adebowale Arojo @arojo_adebowale]

@THErealugoochi I schooled in ABU Zaria, I was aware of the program and I wonder why they product of the research has not reflected on our power generation.

[Onyeka ☭ @R_eq_uin]

The West will call Paul Biya a key African partner but call Ibrahim Traore a "Junta leader stealing his country's gold"

They will accuse Nicolas Maduro of funding drug cartels in one breath, and tell you they cannot release Chicago boy's common drug files to not "compromise human assets"

Not just accuse, they will deploy helicopters, drones, and dozens of special forces to adbuct one man while telling you fuck off in 20 different shades of legal lingo when you ask them to release the unredacted drug files of a supposed president of 240M people.

The West will shout about human rights and Christian genocide while giving weapons to Isra*l to continue murdering children by the shiploads.

They will put a bounty of millions of dollars on the head of a supposed terrorist then turn around and invite him to the White House as a "reformed partner with a strong past" .

They will do this brazenly. Without shame. Without apology

And yet, you, with the IQ of an ice cube will continue to believe every lie that comes out of their mouths.

You, with the intelligence of a chicken with an arrow in its brain, cannot stop to wonder what else they may have lied about...

That they may have lied about General Sani Abacha being a thieving dictator and not in fact a fierce nationalist leader who was dragging our country into prosperity

[Adebowale Arojo @arojo_adebowale]

@jon_d_doe Words on marble

[Adebowale Arojo @arojo_adebowale]

@jon_d_doe My parents taught us to always lend a helping hand and whoever receives help should not feel entitled, show respect to your senior irrespective of your financial standing and lastly, help your siblings to grow. That's why we are always looking out for each other, no complex

[Adebowale Arojo @arojo_adebowale]

@jon_d_doe You no lie, this life no balance at all.

[The Spearhead @Spearhead_Af]

The Iphone Cult Phenomenon And Its Hidden Cost in Africa

The recent launch of Apple's iPhone 18 predictably became another installment in the now-familiar annual consumerist spectacle that characterises Apple device launches, complete with live in-store events and smug influencers unboxing their new gadgets in front of their drooling audience.

To many, this familiar yearly routine is just a routine consumer event that hurts nobody and has no wider significance. To those in the know however, there are multiple sinister undertones of African child exploitation, brutal colonial economics, and severe African cultural degradation that are hiding under the cover of the seemingly harmless festival of consumerism surrounding Apple, its business model and its device launches.

Senior reporter @Big_Mck goes under the hood to examine what exactly makes this annual consumer extravaganza possible, and why from an African perspective, there is absolutely nothing to celebrate here.

[Kahdihna Luckki @eluckki]

@wiesiede Wake up, Africa. Take notes from China’s playbook. 🇨🇳✊🏾

[BUCOS @TENIBEGILOJU202]

THIS IS A DETAILED EXPLANATION TO TINUBU'S ALLEGED FORGED CERTIFICATE... It is indeed a shame that a man like Tinubu is the one ruling Nigeria

[Adebowale Arojo @arojo_adebowale]

@Vap0rwest @jon_d_doe 😂🤣😄 who sweet name help.

[Adebowale Arojo @arojo_adebowale]

@JohnTony35 @jon_d_doe The bullet no touch me, I sabi the game. Be firm and your woman will fear and respect you.

[Adebowale Arojo @arojo_adebowale]

@placidaura @jon_d_doe The thing reach to paralyze person brain.

[Adebowale Arojo @arojo_adebowale]

@Truth1270450 @jon_d_doe Na so, you reply my message late, I multiply your response time by 2 and reply you. I do it to wifey, children and my siblings, last last everybody head straight.

[Adebowale Arojo @arojo_adebowale]

@jon_d_doe 😂🤣 sad but true, but the guys will not believe you.

[Adebowale Arojo @arojo_adebowale]

@DrJoeAbah Musical Youth.