a_sad_queer_man

Queer man, UK based. Depressed. Anxiety. Meds. Experiences. Ramblings. Random thoughts. Suicide.

[a_sad_queer_man @asadqueerman1]

I can't sit still. Twitching badly. Going for a walk

[a_sad_queer_man @asadqueerman1]

You know every I really want right now? A hug. A simple hug. Just to have someone wrap their arms around me and tell me it'll be ok. Can't stop crying.

[a_sad_queer_man @asadqueerman1]

@NHS24 what hours is breathing space open over Christmas?

[a_sad_queer_man @asadqueerman1]

Gave up. Had to get out. He's absolutely spinning with thoughts. So anxious I'm sore. Called Samaritans earlier. Might be time again soon. Hate myself. I have nothing left but hate.

[a_sad_queer_man @asadqueerman1]

So angry with myself today. Don't know why. Hate it. Can't go anywhere as it's all too busy. Car parks are all so busy. Can't drive too far as anxiety high and hyper vigilance is kicking me hard. Nowhere to go. Nothing to do. Best mate not around. Stuck.

[a_sad_queer_man @asadqueerman1]

@paulaannev Might try and have a snooze in the car if I can find somewhere quiet and safe

[a_sad_queer_man @asadqueerman1]

Heads a mess. Walked for maybe two and a half hours last night. Still didn't sleep for any more than a couple of hours.

[a_sad_queer_man @asadqueerman1]

@ortski83 I've started using an app called moodit when that happens

[a_sad_queer_man @asadqueerman1]

Out walking. Had a couple of ciders so can't be in the car.

[a_sad_queer_man @asadqueerman1]

Here comes the mood crash. Wondered when it was going to turn up today

[a_sad_queer_man @asadqueerman1]

@MentalGive 💚

[a_sad_queer_man @asadqueerman1]

@BpdBryan Thanks fella :)

[a_sad_queer_man @asadqueerman1]

@BpdBryan I'm not comfortable with my body. Never really have been. I'm losing a lot of weight at the moment and a couple of months ago took my t shirt off on a local beach for like the first time since I was a kid. It felt OK. Nobody died. First step I guess.

[a_sad_queer_man @asadqueerman1]

Three and a bit hours sleep. The dog woke me up. Guess that's what I get for sleeping on the sofa. Head pounding. Tears flowing. Frustration showing. Blood. Hate every moment of every fucking day.

[John Pavlovitz @johnpavlovitz]

Suicide isn't cowardly.
It's not weakness.
It isn't selfish.
It's born of a hopelessness that can imagine no other way out.
It is a thick, pitch black haze created by powerful personal demons that prevents you from seeing light in the moment. https://t.co/Yk7W0JrlZy

[a_sad_queer_man @asadqueerman1]

@_Paul_Hill_ @ortski83 I can count the number of friends I have on one hand. Acquaintances loads of them but proper friends? Few. And I'm feeling that really hard at the moment.

[a_sad_queer_man @asadqueerman1]

@paulaannev Sometimes it's doable other days it's next to impossible

[a_sad_queer_man @asadqueerman1]

In tears already. It's only 8:30am. I need to get the hell out of the house today but I've no plans and there's nobody around. So how does someone with anxiety cope? By sitting in the car all day. By moving from one car park to another. That looks like my day today.

[a_sad_queer_man @asadqueerman1]

@ortski83 Or mid 40s

[a_sad_queer_man @asadqueerman1]

@_Paul_Hill_ @SimplyAlvin64 Even going to get food from the coop is a challenge. I spent fifteen minutes trying to decide why I wanted for dinner the other night. I picked up loads and thought don't fancy that put it down and walked out with nothing. Any wonder I've lost four stone recently.