Ashley White

[Ashley White @ash_boston]

Do you ever not realize your phone isn't being held the right way and think you are turning the volume down, but are actually turning it up and take way too long to realize it? Yeah, me either.

[Ashley White @ash_boston]

My car has one more time to tell me to brake, before I don't.

[Ashley White @ash_boston]

Dear Neighbor,

Yes you did just witness me selling the coffee table that you sat outside as trash.

[Ashley White @ash_boston]

Make no mistake, if I watch an episode of Dateline, or 48 Hours and the episode is in the City or even State you're from ....I'm going to text you the episode.

[Ashley White @ash_boston]

Target Employee: May I help you find something?
Me: Where would I find a fly swatter?
Target Employee: VOSS Water?
Me: Sure

[Ashley White @ash_boston]

I just battled getting my sports bra on and my Google watch logged it as a workout.

[Ashley White @ash_boston]

Tell me if I over reacted, but one of my co-workers suggested I should buy some crocs and I said "I'd rather die".

[Ashley White @ash_boston]

Every thrift store's sizing order.....XS...Small...Small Petite....4XL......Small

[Ashley White @ash_boston]

Excuse me sir!? How DARE you insinuate your pizza shop's claw machine is "easy" to win.

[Ashley White @ash_boston]

Please refrain from posting these math problems on Facebook. Some of us come from a generation of parents not being able to help us with Algebra homework. They'd get discouraged and tell us we'd never need it!

[Ashley White @ash_boston]

I love how far technology has come to create a handheld device that I can watch YouTube videos of people power washing houses, sidewalks, and rugs

[Ashley White @ash_boston]

My earbuds are so sensitive that if I slightly clear my throat, my phone does a factory reset.

[Ashley White @ash_boston]

If the attendant isn't on an international speaker phone call and mad you had the audacity to walk in, is it even your favorite gas station?

[Ashley White @ash_boston]

If I ask you what kind of dog you have and you don't ask me what kind I have, I'm calling the FBI.

[Ashley White @ash_boston]

@Krysie 😁 Blast from the Past.

[Ashley White @ash_boston]

Do you make your therapist laugh or did you grow up with a dad?

[Ashley White @ash_boston]

@SkankfestNYC @bertkreischer @bigjayoakerson @natebargatze Stink 182

[Ashley White @ash_boston]

Me: I suffer from [ailment XYZ]
My Surgeon Brother in Law: You definitely don't have [ailment XYZ]
Me: Well One of Us Has a WebMD Degree and One Doesn't

[Ashley White @ash_boston]

I tried to dye my hair blue, but the color didn't change. My hair did however dry to look and feel like uncooked ramen noodles

[Ashley White @ash_boston]

Oh, you're proud of your kid for making straight A's? Well my Roomba swept my whole house, didn't get stuck on any rugs AND reconnected itself to it's charger.