tessiedrums 🏳️‍🌈

26, she/her, BODILY AUTONOMY IS A HUMAN RIGHT

Current Obsessions: Dragon Age, Mistborn, Banner Saga, Persona 5 Royal, Madoka Magica, Fate/Stay Night

[tessiedrums 🏳️‍🌈 @ashduck13]

@Moonlitpiglet @lysistrata327 @OliverAshKleine I'm not saying "CONSENT!!!" just to stomp my feet.

I know firsthand how damaging it can be to focus on the intensity of the sex acts over consent. Literally any sex act can be rape, and it does no one any good to associate sexual violence with only the most extreme sex acts.

[tessiedrums 🏳️‍🌈 @ashduck13]

@Moonlitpiglet @lysistrata327 @OliverAshKleine I still struggle with feelings of shame around sex because of all the messaging that my actual desires are bad, and this shame was what led me to close down and not communicate my needs.

Shame and judgement around sex helps no one.

[tessiedrums 🏳️‍🌈 @ashduck13]

@Moonlitpiglet @lysistrata327 @OliverAshKleine This is why we CANNOT conflate what people enjoy consensually with actual sexual violence and abuse.

A woman enjoying rape-play and choking does not mean she wants to be raped or choked to death.

[tessiedrums 🏳️‍🌈 @ashduck13]

@Moonlitpiglet @lysistrata327 @OliverAshKleine In fact in the last example, the woman was blamed for her own murder because of her kinks, and the man who actually murdered her got off the hook because he enjoyed vanilla sex.

[tessiedrums 🏳️‍🌈 @ashduck13]

@Moonlitpiglet @lysistrata327 @OliverAshKleine And it's actually pretty easy to defend: if no one is being harmed, then as an adult you can get off to whatever you want.

Saying otherwise leads to a shame around sexuality that helps no one.

[tessiedrums 🏳️‍🌈 @ashduck13]

@Moonlitpiglet @lysistrata327 @OliverAshKleine By referring to it as "sexual violence" in your original tweet you implied that it was the same as actual sexual violence.

I know Twitter doesn't give a lot of characters, so that may not have been your intention, but it's still there.

[tessiedrums 🏳️‍🌈 @ashduck13]

@lysistrata327 @OliverAshKleine But I don't think that changing how people have consensual sex would help end misogyny.

And I'm guessing that's fundamentally where we disagree.

[tessiedrums 🏳️‍🌈 @ashduck13]

@lysistrata327 @OliverAshKleine As far as looking at other frameworks such as misogyny, I again think it's fine to talk about in the context of consensual sex.

I actually do think if we were able to eliminate misogyny from society we might see changes in how people have consensual sex, which is interesting!

[tessiedrums 🏳️‍🌈 @ashduck13]

@NezuRefen @ThegreatBarbos1 @lysistrata327 @OliverAshKleine How can feminism be liberation if it's about telling women what they can and can't do?

Feminism should be about getting to a place where women can do what they want (without harming others) -- otherwise we're just switching out one set of societal rules for another.