Ashlyn

5'1 and pretends to be cooler than I am 😎

[Ashlyn @ashlynware_]

There is something uniquely disgusting about watching men walk out of the bathroom while still buttoning their pants. Wash your damn hands, boys

[Ashlyn @ashlynware_]

@ people that don’t get upset on a weekly basis because they don’t understand the math behind the Monty hall problem, please help me

[Ashlyn @ashlynware_]

@AveDawggLynn394 ...🤢

[Ashlyn @ashlynware_]

How’s everyone’s morning going? I just had a mental breakdown because Dunkin made my breakfast sandwich on an everything bagel instead of a plain bagel 😎✌🏼

[Ashlyn @ashlynware_]

Me: wondering why I feel like shit

Also me: has consumed nothing but red meat, coffee, alcohol, and cigarettes today

...oh yeah

[Ashlyn @ashlynware_]

Donald Trump is the mayor from Jaws

[Ashlyn @ashlynware_]

Christian slater is and always will be spectacularly unattractive and anyone who thinks otherwise is wrong. Sorry I don’t make the rules

[Ashlyn @ashlynware_]

Who wants to teach me how to skateboard?

[Ashlyn @ashlynware_]

It’s been said before but I’m gonna say it again. Why the FUCK are we not frosting the whole poptart

[Ashlyn @ashlynware_]

Websites that don’t make you confirm your password are the reason I have anxiety

[Quigs @BigSeanQ_]

I just learned that Andrew Cuomo’s ex-girlfriend of 14 years was the 2 shots of vodka lady. And I don’t know what to do with this information

[Ashlyn @ashlynware_]

If I see one more person with a mask on but it’s sitting around their chin or covering their mouth but not their nose, I’m gonna freak out

[little miss anabolic window @darthmewwww]

Day 4 of quarantine

[Ashlyn @ashlynware_]

People that test out pens on paper menus at restaurants are going to hell

[Ashlyn @ashlynware_]

Thank the lord for garlic butter

[Ashlyn @ashlynware_]

Star Wars episode 9 was even better the second time. Everyone that didn’t like it just hates fun

[Ashlyn @ashlynware_]

@Kdware Mind your business Kevin

[Ashlyn @ashlynware_]

Paid $16 for one (1) double jack and coke at a club on New Year’s Eve. Happy New Years I’m already making bad choices

[Ashlyn @ashlynware_]

You may think that saying “keep the change, merry Christmas” makes you look cool, but when your bill is $94 and you’re handing me $100, you’re still an asshole