Ashton

wife. baby mama. vizsla. surgical nerd. dad jokes and puns.

[Ashton @ashtonxmac]

@Megara_yours Hendrik keeps kissing it 😍😂

[Ashton @ashtonxmac]

After bath conversation with a 17 month old. Hendrik points at penis.
Sheldon: “that’s your penis. It’s for peeing and love making.”
Hendrik: <pause for contemplation while nodding and looking at penis>
“Oohhhh”

DEAD. IM DEAD.

[Ashton @ashtonxmac]

@Megara_yours Oh haiiiiiii

[Ashton @ashtonxmac]

I’m back! My new phone has a luxurious 64G and allows the use of apps. Using a 16G phone is like constantly triaging your social media against basic phone functionality #millenials #imakemyselfsick

[Ashton @ashtonxmac]

@Megara_yours Oh hai

[Ashton @ashtonxmac]

We have a son! I've been struggling to find the right words to accurately capture the raw… https://t.co/8ms1JqlbT4

[Ashton @ashtonxmac]

@JontheManNurse Sooo jelly

[Ashton @ashtonxmac]

@Megara_yours It was one of those days where I would have sat down to a tobbogan growler and go to town lol #cons

[Ashton @ashtonxmac]

19C here, sitting on the deck in the sun craving a hoppy ass beer like the dickens.

[Ashton @ashtonxmac]

When the anesthesiologist asks you if your coworker does more than sit in the corner or sleep during nights #giggles #hardworkrecognized 😏🤣

[Ashton @ashtonxmac]

Sheldon's new way of saying 'I need this'

"It fits my needs"

😂😂 #politedemands #allthewants #hehasexpensivetaste

[Ashton @ashtonxmac]

So true. A little compromise ... 😷 https://t.co/SKKX13aQWN

[GomerBlog @GomerBlog]

Being a nurse means accepting there are always people making much more money than you, working much less, not covered in bodily fluids.

[980 CFPL London News @AM980News]

These three K9s are awaiting their graduation at today's police services board meeting.

[Ashton @ashtonxmac]

5 meals deep and it's only 1230. Come at me brah #largeandincharge

[Ashton @ashtonxmac]

Someone's doing their happy dance with me this morning. We have made it to 20 weeks! #halfway #thankful #havetogetsomuchdone #nesting

[National Geographic @NatGeo]

This secretary bird hunts on foot—not from the sky like other predatory birds

[Ashton @ashtonxmac]

Watched a 13 wk old puppy yesterday for a friend. There was no better way to prove my point of getting a puppy with infant being a bad idea.

[Ashton @ashtonxmac]

"What am I going to do after I'm not pregnant and you don't wait on me any more?"

"Ashton. I've always waited on you. This is not new"

😂

[Ashton @ashtonxmac]

Free preview of BBCEarth. I think I need this channel. Good job Fibe TV. IM HOOKED. I love learning 🤓

[This Hour Has 22 Minutes @22_Minutes]

Study finds your dog may be manipulating you to get what it wants. And you don't even want to know what your cat is up to.