Architect from Hell

[Architect from Hell @asifucancode]

From now on, I will charge for merging pull requests. Also great as an open source business model!

[Architect from Hell @asifucancode]

From: QA Manager <bugs@…com>
Subject: Congrats, your app has been selected as a showcase for our Failabration night on saturday!

[Architect from Hell @asifucancode]

The most recent commit owns the project. We call it Hot Potato Ownership™.

[Architect from Hell @asifucancode]

Two services calling each other till one of them cannot respond anymore. We call it Ping-Pong Integration™.

[Architect from Hell @asifucancode]

RPC sucks. Even when you call it REST.

[Architect from Hell @asifucancode]

enterprise software architecture: retirement home for CS grads which are bad at math and can't code either.

[Architect from Hell @asifucancode]

Working on some powerpoint slides to introduce AMM4CCCIM: Agile Management Model for Cross-Cutting Concerns in Microservices.

[Architect from Hell @asifucancode]

They say that herding developers is like herding cats. Well, herding architects is like herding lions.

[Architect from Hell @asifucancode]

If you don't need to shave yaks, you're working on trivial problems.

[Architect from Hell @asifucancode]

if you don't have a real technical innovation to show, you can always make your menubar translucent.

[Architect from Hell @asifucancode]

tune your fucking databases, you're not on vacation.

[Architect from Hell @asifucancode]

There are always bugs in other people's code. And by bug I mean a different coding style than mine.

[Architect from Hell @asifucancode]

We'll probably buy @heroku soon so that we can cheaply deploy the 2.543 #microservices we created last week.

[Architect from Hell @asifucancode]

web scale was yesterday. planet scale is what counts today.

[Architect from Hell @asifucancode]

YAGNI is the root of a lot of evil.

[Architect from Hell @asifucancode]

If your code is still readable, it isn't optimized enough yet.