Stuck in spiritual seeking & emotional loops? I help you rest as pure awareness instead of thought-identity. American coach now in Indonesia. Daily shifts → DM
You know why you can't just 'relax'? Because your nervous system learned, very young, that relaxation equals danger.
That letting your guard down meant getting hurt. So your body stay wired. All the time. The tight chest. The clenched jaw. The insomnia. That's not a flaw.
That's a body that kept you alive. Healing isn't forcing it to calm down. It's teaching it, slowly, boringly, repeatedly, that the war is over.
The anxiety isn't in your head. It's in your fascia. Your jaw. Your hips. Your breath. Your body has been storing what your mouth wasn't allowed to say.
Therapy helps. But the body keeps the f*cking receipts.
@AFitTrader I honestly no longer even consider what some people say, Follow what feels good and right for you. Some people will never be happy but you will.
You are so right about how expectations shape your mental state. What hurts most is the gap between what you pictured and what actually happens, and your brain often reads that gap as threat. For me, what helps is turning expectations into preferences, saying them out loud, and asking, “Did they really break a promise, or did they break my script?” I created.
The guilt you feel about going no contact? That's not your conscience. That's their program. They installed it in you before you could speak, a little voice that screams 'you're the bad one' every time you choose yourself.
Here's some truth: you're not the bad one. You're the first person in your family to break the chain. And that chain will fight like hell to stay intact.
Let it scream. You go quiet. You go no contact. You go the f*ck home to yourself.
Going no contact doesn't mean you stop loving them. It means you stop letting them abuse you. That's not cruelty.
That's the deepest form of self-preservation there is.
They'll say 'blood is thicker than water' like it's wisdom. It's a leash. Blood means you bleed for the people who profit from your wound.
Water means you stop. Water means you walk away from the family that calls your boundaries betrayal.
Water means you choose peace over proximity, and let them call you selfish for it. Blood is thicker than water. Good. Be water.
Humans are wired for emotions, but they are built to regulate them. Imagine if you didn't bypass the most intelligent machinery on Earth.
The human nervous system.
Here's the truth about anger after narcissistic abuse: it's not going to make you an asshole. It's going to make you honest.
For the first time in your life, you're going to feel the full weight of what was done to you. And it's going to wreck you and that's good. Because the version of you that 'stayed positive' through all of it was just another mask.
The rage isn't the breakdown. The rage is the breakthrough. Stop running from it. Walk into it.
That's where you are.
No contact isn't revenge. It's not a tantrum. It's not you being dramatic. It's the most spiritual thing you'll ever do, choosing yourself over the system that nearly destroyed you.
And yeah, it'll hurt. Yeah, they'll call you selfish. Yeah, you'll grieve the family/spouse you never had. But the alternative is worse. The alternative is staying in a war you were never meant to survive.
You're allowed to be f*cking angry. Not 'frustrated.' Not 'a little upset.' Angry. The kind of angry that scares you. The kind that makes you want to break things.
That anger isn't a problem. That anger is thirty years of swallowed rage finally finding a voice.
You weren't allowed to be mad at the people who hurt you. So you turned it inward. Into shame.
Into depression. Into a body that punishes itself for existing. It's time to aim it at the right target.