Alyssa

[Alyssa @assyla211]

Can’t believe 19-year-old me was ever really crying over a man whose last name was Smith. What a bummer of a name.

[Alyssa @assyla211]

I love when my dad calls when he knows I’m on the road and starts telling me to check my map and what highways to take like I’m not gonna just throw it in the gps and send it.

[Alyssa @assyla211]

If you and your friends bond around just talking shit about everyone else, they’re probably talking about you when you leave the room too. 🤷🏼‍♀️

[Alyssa @assyla211]

College shaped me in a lot of ways but none of the ways that I expected. I picked up sayings like “gargle my left nut” and listen to a lot more Hank Williams Jr.

[Alyssa @assyla211]

If you don’t blast Red Ragtop at full volume every time, you’re wrong. Thanks for coming to my Ted Talk.

[Alyssa @assyla211]

I spent a month and a half with my dad and he told me last night that after I left, one of his dogs would go to the basement everyday to look for me and got sad that I wasn’t there. 😩

[Alyssa @assyla211]

I’d just like to thank The Maple Leaf, The Rock-A-Way Tavern, and The Pour Pub for their contributions. 😂

[Alyssa @assyla211]

I might’ve exaggerated this slightly buuuut “You were in the top 0.5% of their listeners this year.” 😂😂

[Alyssa @assyla211]

14,000 of them were me. 🤷🏼‍♀️

[Muscadine Bloodline @MuscadineBLine]

Y’all have already streamed the ep 100,000+ times. y’all wild.

[Alyssa @assyla211]

*me knowing I’m the only grandkid coming to Thanksgiving this year and fully embracing that I’m the family fuck-up so I’m about to get rolled so hard* “sorry I’m late. I was playing with my cat.”

[Alyssa @assyla211]

I’m really trying to make a conscious effort to only shop at small businesses but pancheros and target make it really difficult.

[Alyssa @assyla211]

I’d like to take personal responsibility for the shutdown in Michigan because I think God knew I was coming home and knew I couldn’t stay out of the bars if they were open. My bad.

[Alyssa @assyla211]

I swear I’m not high. This kinda stuff is just rattling around my head all the time. Do deer get loose antlers before they fall off like we get loose teeth?

[Alyssa @assyla211]

@AndrewKreger 😂😂 thank you for joining the cause.

[Alyssa @assyla211]

You know how everyone has words that make them cringe? Irrationally, one of mine is the term, “baby sprinkle.” Idk man just call it a fucking baby shower or something.

[Alyssa @assyla211]

@AndrewKreger Consider yourself enlightened. I think it’s technically like a mini baby shower for like a second kid. Starting a petition to rename.

[Alyssa @assyla211]

@jeffland18 Welcome to being a woman. 😂

[Alyssa @assyla211]

Am I excited to go home and see my family for Thanksgiving? Yes. Am I more excited to get Pancheros for the first time in 7 months? Yes.

[Alyssa @assyla211]

Just cuz I know I’m dumb doesn’t mean imma do anything about it, okay?

[Abby M. F. Arnold @Rock_Hard_Abbbs]

Y’all date a cowboys then are shocked when they act like cowboys.

[Alyssa @assyla211]

I don’t normally watch #TheBachelorette because I get too angry but with all the Clare drama I had to get caught up on this season. This is all I can think of when Dale talks.

[Alyssa @assyla211]

Too lazy to get up and wash off my fake tan so this 2-hour tan gonna be an all night tan. Will update on how orange I am in the morning. 🤷🏼‍♀️

[conk @conklin_alexis]

if you’re a female and have ever worked with a male coworker/boss who has ever made you feel uncomfortable pls retweet :-) just interested to see